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Need Advice, Getting Divorced, Wreck Credit and Save the Home or Walk and Save Credit?


Sled_Dog
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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

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Indy, there are no laws requiring living a certain distance. If I moved it would be to northern Colorado, Larimer County near Ft. Collins. Denver sucks.

 

I am a software guy so work will be forthcoming, while nothing is certain, it's a good bet, it's just a matter of time.

Edited by Sled_Dog
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Something I'm not clear on after re-reading your post a couple times - 1. Are you responsible for the payments on the home your XW lives in? 2. If you sold that house, would you be required to buy your XW a home? 3. If XW was awarded the home, can't she assume the financial responsibility for it by getting a re-fi?

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@mendelssohn, she's moving out, because we are ready to list the house, she has signed a lease. I am already renting and would need money to break my lease!

 

to clarify, my wife has a "temporary order for exclusive use and possession of the home." I am the only one on the mortgage, I can negotiate even though she is living in the house.

 

@Indy

 

1. Are you responsible for the payments on the home your XW lives in?

 

Yes.

 

2. If you sold that house, would you be required to buy your XW a home?

 

Hell no, worst case she gets maintenance for a little over 2 years, but that ain't happening.

 

3. If XW was awarded the home, can't she assume the financial responsibility for it by getting a re-fi?

 

No, she has been "disabled" for years, yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery, her credit is shot, her family provides her with income that she refuses to disclose.

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yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery

 

I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm in a very similar situation, so I ask this seeking a little direction myself:

 

Have you gone to a support group or therapist? I'm considering a therapist, for my similar situation.

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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this... from experience, I can agree that it's an awful experience all the way around.

 

Two related questions: Do you have a separation agreement, and does it specify that you and/or she must pay all bills when due?

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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this... from experience, I can agree that it's an awful experience all the way around.

 

Two related questions: Do you have a separation agreement, and does it specify that you and/or she must pay all bills when due?

 

 

No separation agreement or decree yet. No determinations of who pays what have been made.

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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this... from experience, I can agree that it's an awful experience all the way around.

 

Two related questions: Do you have a separation agreement, and does it specify that you and/or she must pay all bills when due?

 

 

No separation agreement or decree yet. No determinations of who pays what have been made.

 

 

Just be aware that the mortgage holder won't give a damn what the decree says. They will still expect you to pay them on time.

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yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery

 

I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm in a very similar situation, so I ask this seeking a little direction myself:

 

Have you gone to a support group or therapist? I'm considering a therapist, for my similar situation.

 

 

Highly recommend a good counselor. There are support groups out there. The big problem for me is that the family law system is so shockingly biased against men, I have been treated horribly.

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yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery

 

I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm in a very similar situation, so I ask this seeking a little direction myself:

 

Have you gone to a support group or therapist? I'm considering a therapist, for my similar situation.

 

 

Highly recommend a good counselor. There are support groups out there. The big problem for me is that the family law system is so shockingly biased against men, I have been treated horribly.

 

 

Thanks. :)

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yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery

I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm in a very similar situation, so I ask this seeking a little direction myself:

 

Have you gone to a support group or therapist? I'm considering a therapist, for my similar situation.

Highly recommend a good counselor. There are support groups out there. The big problem for me is that the family law system is so shockingly biased against men, I have been treated horribly.

Totally agree.

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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this... from experience, I can agree that it's an awful experience all the way around.

 

Two related questions: Do you have a separation agreement, and does it specify that you and/or she must pay all bills when due?

 

 

No separation agreement or decree yet. No determinations of who pays what have been made.

 

 

Just be aware that the mortgage holder won't give a damn what the decree says. They will still expect you to pay them on time.

 

Tampa is spot on here, NO divorce decree will supersede any current obligation/financial contract/agreement including all of your credit cards. Your ex could easily destroy your credit. For example, if you have a joint card and she pays late or defaults, even if your divorce decree stipulates that she is required to pay, your credit gets trashed, don't be that guy!

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We're way past the risk of my credit being trashed. I made sure we kept separate accounts. This is about one thing, committing credit suicide to keep the family home.

 

The more I think about it the less I think it's worth it, after all the hard work I have done. My son may need a dad with good credit more than he needs that house.

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All, you have all been a great source of wise information and guidance (mostly.) Here is the situation:

  • I am in the process of a divorce, there is a 7 year-old child involved (my heart is broken for him)
  • My wife was given exclusive use and possession of the house by a biased magistrate
  • The house is in the process of being listed for sale
  • I was fired form my job two weeks ago, in no small part because of the harassment I have endured at the hands of my wife's attorney
  • It is difficult to find reasonably priced housing where I live (Boulder County Colorado) I owe 376K on a house that is worth ~525K at 3.875%
  • I could, max out my credit and "save the house" until I find work and possibly do a cash-out refi, or file bankruptcy
  • I am looking at about 90K in debt as it sits, more with legal fees,any equity will be eaten up paying debts and I still will likely not get clear, I could get some fixed rate
  • FICO is around 700 due to high utilization

What say you Creditboards? Is it worth the bankruptcy to save the family home for me and my son?

 

 

I'm so sorry to hear this... from experience, I can agree that it's an awful experience all the way around.

 

Two related questions: Do you have a separation agreement, and does it specify that you and/or she must pay all bills when due?

 

 

No separation agreement or decree yet. No determinations of who pays what have been made.

 

 

Just be aware that the mortgage holder won't give a damn what the decree says. They will still expect you to pay them on time.

 

Tampa is spot on here, NO divorce decree will supersede any current obligation/financial contract/agreement including all of your credit cards. Your ex could easily destroy your credit. For example, if you have a joint card and she pays late or defaults, even if your divorce decree stipulates that she is required to pay, your credit gets trashed, don't be that guy!

 

 

^^^ This. Except is was my ex-h who trashed my credit by neglecting a joint practitioner's bill that had my name at the top. She never tried to contact me, he ignored her (admittedly to impose financial sanctions on me, with a toddler), and I didn't find out until it was already in collections. Mid-90s. Boy, did I get a shock of a lesson.

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No, she has been "disabled" for years, yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery, her credit is shot, her family provides her with income that she refuses to disclose.

 

Hold up!

She hasn't answered her interrogatories yet?

And the judge let her "have" the house?

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No, she has been "disabled" for years, yet upon my filing for divorce has had a miraculous recovery, her credit is shot, her family provides her with income that she refuses to disclose.

Hold up!

She hasn't answered her interrogatories yet?

And the judge let her "have" the house?

No, sounds like OP is accusing his XW of lying in court and the magistrate let it slide

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We're way past the risk of my credit being trashed. I made sure we kept separate accounts. This is about one thing, committing credit suicide to keep the family home.

 

The more I think about it the less I think it's worth it, after all the hard work I have done. My son may need a dad with good credit more than he needs that house.

 

Why trash your credit for a stupid house? You can live anywhere. And with good credit you can make anywhere you live great for you and your son.

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We're way past the risk of my credit being trashed. I made sure we kept separate accounts. This is about one thing, committing credit suicide to keep the family home.

 

The more I think about it the less I think it's worth it, after all the hard work I have done. My son may need a dad with good credit more than he needs that house.

 

Why trash your credit for a stupid house? You can live anywhere. And with good credit you can make anywhere you live great for you and your son.

Precisely. You can always rent a house if you want one. Life with good credit is way better than life with bad credit. Pretty much everyone on CB can attest to that fact.
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I was in your place 6 years ago. Right around the divorce, we sold the house but had no proceeds. I had $2k a month in minimum payments and I didn't see a way out. I was living off my income but had little extra. I was reluctant to file bankruptcy, partly because I didn't want to deal with my ex on it. We would have had to cooperate and file together before the divorce was final. So instead, we each just walked away from all the credit cards and stopped paying. In the divorce about 18 months later, the order said I paid mine and he paid his.

 

Looking back, I think I would have been much better off declaring bankruptcy. First, I wouldn't have lived in fear for 4 years of debt collectors and process servers. The debt collectors harassed my parents and other relatives. Yes, I got them to stop but it was really hard on my elderly parents. I only had 2 creditors file suit, but I had a $30k credit card from Bank of America and was sure they'd come. (They never did.) Second, I lived on cash for years with no credit. I had a hard time renting with crappy scores (in the 500s) and had to pay a lot more than market to find someone to rent to a credit risk (even with a solid income). I couldn't buy a car on decent terms. It was a very risky way to live. Finally, here I am 6 years later and my credit is still in the toilet because I have all the chargeoffs sitting there. I see people on here who declared bankruptcy, who just a few years out have scores in the upper 600s and buying a home. Meanwhile, the experts all tell me I shouldn't buy a house with my 600ish scores until the chargeoffs drop off at 7 years.

 

Anyway, I didn't realize how much my approach would kill my finances for years to come. Best of luck.

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