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My mother has taken out over $30,000 of credit in my name... HELP

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I am a 26 year old with a fiance and new born daughter, I was looking to buy a house. I recently found out that my mother has taken out over $40,000 worth of credit cards (and maxed them out) in myself and my little brothers name. I don't know what to do... I don't even know where to begin. Please advise.

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You are in a pickle.

 

Confront your mother and tell her she has wrecked your credit. Tell her she needs to find a way to pay off those credit cards. Other options are to live with ruined credit -- a painful prospect for someone with a young family -- or claim identity fraud (which will get your mother into a legal mess).

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You're probably feeling all kinds of emotions right now. Just be sure to breathe.

 

Check out the ID Theft forum here on CreditBoards: http://creditboards.com/forums/index.php?showforum=57

 

These kinds of things can be very messy to unravel, particularly when it's done to us by family. Each victim has to make his own decision about how to handle the police report that is quite necessary for any real remedy.

 

Having said that, your options include treating it as you would treat a case involving a stranger or confronting the family member to come up with an alternate plan of attack.

 

If you choose the former, you'd file a police report and then fill out the FTC ID Theft Complaint Affidavit. Submit both to the CRAs and to the creditors involved. Get all info blocked from your reports and let the chips fall where they may for your mother.

 

If you choose to shield her from the consequences of her actions, you may not be helping her in the long run and will almost certainly be risking the financial stability you're trying so hard to secure for you, your fiancee and your daughter. But again, I know how very personal this decision is for each of us.

 

I hope it goes as smoothly for you as possible. My heart goes out to your family. Drama sucks. :(

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Tell your mother she needs to close the accounts and pay the balance. Work with her to find a way for her to do that quickly, possibly by selling assets she has. If she can't then you will need to file a police report unless you just want to live with it on your credit reports. It's enough money that if she defaults suits will be filed and the facts will come out then. You shouldn't let her criminality destroy your own future. You have a family to look after and they will be counting on you.

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File a police report against your mother and claim identity theft.

+1

File a police report for identity theft.

+2

 

First thought: CALL THE POLICE.

 

Mommy stole from you. Get the report.

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How old is your little brother? What is he planning on doing?

Right???

 

I guess my thought is that if these were opened when you were a minor that it's going to be much less sticky for you. If you were over 18 you are going to have to file a fraud report, unless you or your mother have the ability to pay them off.

 

Where were the bills going????

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Are other adult family members (your father, uncle(s), aunt(s), sibling(s)) available to help you? This is a family issue, and you will need help in sorting it out. The time of allowing your mother to "fix it" has long passed. You must file a police report on behalf of yourself and your brother (if he is a minor... if not, he can and should file himself) in order to properly establish an identity theft case and begin to restore your good name and credit. Your mother will have to face the music of the legal system and accept punishment. Understand that it is probable that she has done other things that you have not yet uncovered.... you and other family members should start investigating all family financial dealings so you know exactly what you are facing.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. There are some rough waters ahead for you, and none of it is your fault.

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This is not even something to mess around with. She had zero regard for the consequences of her action and obviously had no good intention. She used you for her own personal financial gain at your long term expense, expecting that you wouldn't act on it. This is black and white! You need to file a police report on this.

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easy to say when it's not your mom. First thing I'd do is talk to your brother and then both talk to your mother. If she can't or wont repay it then you have to go to the police.

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For that amount of debt and unlawful credit, you should definitely file a police report. A lesson needs to be learned here.

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File a police report, then the next time you talk to you mom, say 'someone stole my identify and screwed up my credit, I reported it to police and hopefully can get my credit corrected,,,see what she says

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easy to say when it's not your mom. First thing I'd do is talk to your brother and then both talk to your mother. If she can't or wont repay it then you have to go to the police.

 

Repaying it won't restore the OPs or her brother's name and credit as it should be. They will still bear the brunt of their mother's irresponsible and unlawful activity... the only way to fix that is a police report.

 

And if their mother was awful enough to steal that amount from her own children - what in the world gives you any idea that talking to her will accomplish anything? Why would she ever repay the debt??

 

And don't let her get ahold of your newborn daughter's ssn!

 

This is why I was saying that EVERYthing in the family's finances now has to be investigated... banking, real estate, cars, credit... everything. This discovery is likely just the tip of the iceberg.

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Difficult situation. But, you'll get through it. It might slow you down a bit on your house, it will probably make for chilly relations with your mother for a bit, but you should be able to get this rectified. So, take a deep breath, play it chill, don't go off the handle talking to your mother right away until you get a strategy set for how to get things squared away.

 

For instance, if you talk to her today, she might say "I promise to pay it back" and you'll feel pressured to say "okay, thanks." But this leaves her a lot of wriggle room, and it won't get the unauthorized accounts off your report. And then if you ask her to confess in court or whatever it takes, she could accuse you of reneging on what you originally agreed to. But, you will need to talk to her, and soon.

 

Getting your credit fixed and the unauthorized debt cleared off will be a bit of work and a bit of time. Folks here, if asked nicely, will probably help with it, though you'll need to wade through a few memes, acronyms and inside jokes to figure it out. It's worth it, as the quality of the advice here is good.

 

The trickier thing is how to have a long-term relationship with your mother. If she's mentally ill, a substance abuser, etc., then you probably want her to have somewhat limited contact with you and your family anyhow. But if she's a generally reasonable person and has made some poor choices in the past, then you'll want to handle it diplomatically, and have the police or a lawyer do the heavy hitting for you.

 

But, in any case, this means you'll need to set boundaries with her. Obviously.

 

Going forward, the easy thing to do is to freeze your credit reports with all three of the major credit bureaus. Experian, Equifax, Transunion. It's pretty easy, costs $10 each or something, I think there's a master thread on here somewhere, or you can find it elsewhere. Then mom, or anyone else, is unable to open an account in your name. Show your brother how to do this, too. Then, everything moving forward will be clean.

 

Good luck, hope you get it worked out without too much trouble. Feel free to come back and repost to this same thread in the weeks or months, or years, ahead for more advice, and to provide information for folks in your situation in the future.

 

MP

Edited by moneypyts

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Everyone says this is difficult...

 

No its not. It wasn't a difficult decision for your mother was it? It wasnt hard for her to run those cards up to the max was it? She didnt double think what she was doing each time she swiped that card.

 

 

Easy decision, Call the Local police, tell them your a victim of ID theft, get the report, File with the FTC, get the ID theft accounts removed, Buy your house, live on a happy life.

 

 

Let me add this... I wouldnt even talk to your mother, I wouldnt let her know a dam thing, And i would file for a new S.S. Number since once a thief.. almost always a thief

Edited by nysbadmk8

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Everyone says this is difficult...

 

No its not. It wasn't a difficult decision for your mother was it? It wasnt hard for her to run those cards up to the max was it? She didnt double think what she was doing each time she swiped that card.

 

 

Easy decision, Call the Local police, tell them your a victim of ID theft, get the report, File with the FTC, get the ID theft accounts removed, Buy your house, live on a happy life.

 

 

Let me add this... I wouldnt even talk to your mother, I wouldnt let her know a dam thing, And i would file for a new S.S. Number since once a thief.. almost always a thief

 

Spot on.

 

This is a pretty cut-and-dried scenario it seems. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. It's obvious that one of the few people who is supposed to protect you above all else chose instead to take full advantage of you with no regard for the negative consequences it would have on you, your new family, and your life.

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One of my best friends's mother has done this to her over and over again throughout the years. She (the daughter) refuses to press charges on her mom, so her credit score is trashed. Every time it's the same song and dance: a string of excuses, crying, apologies, promises to pay it all off, some large payments followed by some small payments followed by months between payments followed by no payments at all. Then my friend finishes paying off the debt herself but finds out a few months to a year later it's all happened again.

 

Freeze your reports and subscribe to a good credit monitoring site at the minimum, but if you really want this to stop you're going to need to go to the police. I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation. Good luck.

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Are other adult family members (your father, uncle(s), aunt(s), sibling(s)) available to help you? This is a family issue, and you will need help in sorting it out. The time of allowing your mother to "fix it" has long passed. You must file a police report on behalf of yourself and your brother (if he is a minor... if not, he can and should file himself) in order to properly establish an identity theft case and begin to restore your good name and credit. Your mother will have to face the music of the legal system and accept punishment. Understand that it is probable that she has done other things that you have not yet uncovered.... you and other family members should start investigating all family financial dealings so you know exactly what you are facing.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. There are some rough waters ahead for you, and none of it is your fault.

 

easy to say when it's not your mom. First thing I'd do is talk to your brother and then both talk to your mother. If she can't or wont repay it then you have to go to the police.

Repaying it won't restore the OPs or her brother's name and credit as it should be. They will still bear the brunt of their mother's irresponsible and unlawful activity... the only way to fix that is a police report.

 

And if their mother was awful enough to steal that amount from her own children - what in the world gives you any idea that talking to her will accomplish anything? Why would she ever repay the debt??

And don't let her get ahold of your newborn daughter's ssn!

This is why I was saying that EVERYthing in the family's finances now has to be investigated... banking, real estate, cars, credit... everything. This discovery is likely just the tip of the iceberg.

WB NAGD.

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You're probably feeling all kinds of emotions right now. Just be sure to breathe.

 

Check out the ID Theft forum here on CreditBoards: http://creditboards.com/forums/index.php?showforum=57

 

These kinds of things can be very messy to unravel, particularly when it's done to us by family. Each victim has to make his own decision about how to handle the police report that is quite necessary for any real remedy.

 

Having said that, your options include treating it as you would treat a case involving a stranger or confronting the family member to come up with an alternate plan of attack.

 

If you choose the former, you'd file a police report and then fill out the FTC ID Theft Complaint Affidavit. Submit both to the CRAs and to the creditors involved. Get all info blocked from your reports and let the chips fall where they may for your mother.

 

If you choose to shield her from the consequences of her actions, you may not be helping her in the long run and will almost certainly be risking the financial stability you're trying so hard to secure for you, your fiancee and your daughter. But again, I know how very personal this decision is for each of us.

 

I hope it goes as smoothly for you as possible. My heart goes out to your family. Drama sucks. :(

great response Lynn

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You're probably feeling all kinds of emotions right now. Just be sure to breathe.

 

Check out the ID Theft forum here on CreditBoards: http://creditboards.com/forums/index.php?showforum=57

 

These kinds of things can be very messy to unravel, particularly when it's done to us by family. Each victim has to make his own decision about how to handle the police report that is quite necessary for any real remedy.

 

Having said that, your options include treating it as you would treat a case involving a stranger or confronting the family member to come up with an alternate plan of attack.

 

If you choose the former, you'd file a police report and then fill out the FTC ID Theft Complaint Affidavit. Submit both to the CRAs and to the creditors involved. Get all info blocked from your reports and let the chips fall where they may for your mother.

 

If you choose to shield her from the consequences of her actions, you may not be helping her in the long run and will almost certainly be risking the financial stability you're trying so hard to secure for you, your fiancee and your daughter. But again, I know how very personal this decision is for each of us.

 

I hope it goes as smoothly for you as possible. My heart goes out to your family. Drama sucks. :(

great response Lynn

 

 

+1. It's not easy to call the police on a parent, even if what they have done warrants it.

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I had this done to me... I believed that it would be paid back. I am currently owed almost $750,000... I got payments of $2,000/ month for a few years and then.. Nothing, my father was ill... I am now suing his estate and I am the BAD daughter...

 

It is no different than dealing with a drug addiction. it is not personal, it is out of their control. The only way for them to face up to it is to have them hit bottom. He did it to my mother and to me... It is a mindset. You owe financial stability to your fiance and daughter, not to your mother.

 

bite the bullet, and file for ID theft. If they ask you who it could be, mention that you think it has happened to your brother as well. You don't have to ID your mother unless she induced you to sign a paper fraudulently. They will figure it out. She can't pay it back, I am sure, and she won't... She will rationalize it. file the report. good luck. I am still digging out ten years later.

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The last post in this topic was posted 2374 days ago. 

 

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