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My smart child is killing me financially (what would you do?)

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Lab, you'll have to introduce me to these kids. I haven't met anyone that was awarded a full scholarship by doing nothing to call the school's attention to them other than having good grades. (except in Georgia maybe where we have the HOPE scholarship....but still that isn't a full ride scholarship, even if it is for 100% tuition. They still have to pay things like dorm, food, and lab fees.)

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For god's sake, I hope you have his college finances saved away for him. If not, you had better come up with that 1K so he can be spotted by a recruiter. (ding, ding, ding, scholarship time!)

If you haven't planned for his academic future, then this isn't a "want", it is definitely a need.

 

If he is that bright, him ending up not going to college, or only going to a junior/community college, will be one of the biggest parenting fails of all time.

 

 

Agreed. I'll never understand parents who get so upset that their children didn't become anything when the parents didn't put forth the resources to allow it. It's not like they had 18+ years to plan for this. Nine times out of ten, however, the parents who are like this didn't amount to anything, either.

 

The best ones are the kids who do amount to something in spite of their parents, and leave their parents behind.

 

Education is one of those things that, if you decide to have kids, why WOULDN'T you find a way to push for the best they can be? Priorities.

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OP HERE

 

First and Foremost THANK YOU EVERYONE for your advice.

 

To clarify a few things and address some questions/concerns some of you mentioned.

 

We have a few hundred dollars left each month after paying the bills. We do not eat out/buy new clothes/have a thousand cable channels/ have i-phones/ drive new cars/ collect Faberge eggs etc.

 

Yes we have had 16 years to prepare for this but as mentioned went through chapter 7 last year due to the loss of my job then cars then house etc. They don't let you keep your assets after that :) You must start over with zero.

 

We would not just pay for it if it were a sport (crazy thought). He is also not my only child.

 

I do care about his future.More than anything! One of the BILLS is a 80 dollar a week chemistry tutor so he could get a 5 on the AP test.

 

As mentioned he comes home from school at 4:30pm each day eats dinner and does homework/studies till 1am. On the weekends he is either studying/volunteering at hospice/volunteering at the hospital/ or getting tutored himself. Right now there is no time for a job. My parents made me work when I turned 15 and that became the focus of my life. Schoolwork and getting good grades is his job. I am not oppossed to him working part time he just does not have the time right now. Maybe next year as a Senior.

 

He had to take art at community college so he could take both Physics and AP Chem next year. This is our mistake and I own it. When he was a freshman they told him he had to choose an art class and he chose a computer graphics class listed under ART in the school catalog. Now that there is only one year left in school they told us that it was Art but not Fine Art so it doesn't count.

 

We were trying to save money for these type of events because we expected him to go to a medical conference in Orlando this summer but as mentioned the CC tuition, the AP test registration, taking the SAT twice, and three different SAT 2 subject test wiped that out.

 

He will be attending college. We expect to get full ride offers from state schools he is just wanting something better. FWIW I am not a loser who doesnt care about education. I have an MBA myself and 50k in student loans to prove it.

 

As far as the final outcome I have taken out a 401k loan. It will only end up costing me 100 bucks in the long run. I just hope the check gets here by Friday.

 

Again I really appreciate everyone's input. I know people look at things from different perspectives and I wanted to see how the majority of people would handle the situation.

 

Best Regards

 

 

 

 

 

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For god's sake, I hope you have his college finances saved away for him. If not, you had better come up with that 1K so he can be spotted by a recruiter. (ding, ding, ding, scholarship time!)

If you haven't planned for his academic future, then this isn't a "want", it is definitely a need.

 

If he is that bright, him ending up not going to college, or only going to a junior/community college, will be one of the biggest parenting fails of all time.

 

 

Agreed. I'll never understand parents who get so upset that their children didn't become anything when the parents didn't put forth the resources to allow it. It's not like they had 18+ years to plan for this. Nine times out of ten, however, the parents who are like this didn't amount to anything, either.

 

The best ones are the kids who do amount to something in spite of their parents, and leave their parents behind.

 

Education is one of those things that, if you decide to have kids, why WOULDN'T you find a way to push for the best they can be? Priorities.

Except that nobody knows before actually having a child, what kind of child they will have. Extremely intelligent, just average, learning disabled, or even disabled to the point that it will be a miracle if the child even learns to talk. No parent has the ability to magically know before they have kids exactly what kind of educational resources their particular child will need.

 

And not all extremely bright kids are born into families with parents who are able to spare no expense when it comes to their education. It just doesn't work that way, and it doesn't make the parents bad people or lousy parents.

 

Not to mention that sometimes people fall on hard times after having children, that they never could have predicted or imagined.

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OP HERE

 

First and Foremost THANK YOU EVERYONE for your advice.

 

To clarify a few things and address some questions/concerns some of you mentioned.

 

We have a few hundred dollars left each month after paying the bills. We do not eat out/buy new clothes/have a thousand cable channels/ have i-phones/ drive new cars/ collect Faberge eggs etc.

 

Yes we have had 16 years to prepare for this but as mentioned went through chapter 7 last year due to the loss of my job then cars then house etc. They don't let you keep your assets after that :) You must start over with zero.

 

We would not just pay for it if it were a sport (crazy thought). He is also not my only child.

 

I do care about his future.More than anything! One of the BILLS is a 80 dollar a week chemistry tutor so he could get a 5 on the AP test.

 

As mentioned he comes home from school at 4:30pm each day eats dinner and does homework/studies till 1am. On the weekends he is either studying/volunteering at hospice/volunteering at the hospital/ or getting tutored himself. Right now there is no time for a job. My parents made me work when I turned 15 and that became the focus of my life. Schoolwork and getting good grades is his job. I am not oppossed to him working part time he just does not have the time right now. Maybe next year as a Senior.

 

He had to take art at community college so he could take both Physics and AP Chem next year. This is our mistake and I own it. When he was a freshman they told him he had to choose an art class and he chose a computer graphics class listed under ART in the school catalog. Now that there is only one year left in school they told us that it was Art but not Fine Art so it doesn't count.

 

We were trying to save money for these type of events because we expected him to go to a medical conference in Orlando this summer but as mentioned the CC tuition, the AP test registration, taking the SAT twice, and three different SAT 2 subject test wiped that out.

 

He will be attending college. We expect to get full ride offers from state schools he is just wanting something better. FWIW I am not a loser who doesnt care about education. I have an MBA myself and 50k in student loans to prove it.

 

As far as the final outcome I have taken out a 401k loan. It will only end up costing me 100 bucks in the long run. I just hope the check gets here by Friday.

 

Again I really appreciate everyone's input. I know people look at things from different perspectives and I wanted to see how the majority of people would handle the situation.

 

Best Regards

 

 

 

 

 

OP,

 

Wow, it sounds like you're doing all you can to help your son succeed! Don't beat yourself up if you can't afford every possible academic enrichment option.

 

Did you look at the link I posted yesterday? It's about the University of Pennsylvania offering full loan free financial aid packages to students from families with incomes under $100,000 a year. Maybe something that would help you.

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OP. Kudos on supporting your kid to get thru the tough times.

 

I hope he gets full scholarships/grants to finish is college and leave you in peace (financially and everything else).

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Reminds me indirectly of this

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Un87DKQ49w

 

Larry Feign opines on TedX about babies, Junior Einstein DVDs, Classical music, and the general crazy competition to get one's kids into the best kindergarten through university. The audience is Hong Kong where this stuff has really approached insanity. Feign is a cartoonist well known in Hong Kong.

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Reminds me indirectly of this

 

 

Larry Feign opines on TedX about babies, Junior Einstein DVDs, Classical music, and the general crazy competition to get one's kids into the best kindergarten through university. The audience is Hong Kong where this stuff has really approached insanity. Feign is a cartoonist well known in Hong Kong.

Just watched it. Lot of truth there, unfortunately. It's a very different world today than when many of us were kids. When do kids ever have time to just be kids any more?

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Kids are different today, I hear every mother say... M. Jagger.

 

I really appreciate my parents willingness to give me a great deal of rope and lots of free time growing up. It was pretty difficult for them to do and they later told me it was a result of their parents advising them to let their own kids (siblings and me) have fun and not to worry about everything which they initially did.

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Kids are different today, I hear every mother say... M. Jagger.

 

I really appreciate my parents willingness to give me a great deal of rope and lots of free time growing up. It was pretty difficult for them to do and they later told me it was a result of their parents advising them to let the kids (siblings and me) have fun and not to worry about everything which they initially did.

+1. I like this.

 

I do think kids have a lot more pressure to grow up faster today, than they did when many of us were kids. And it's not enough any more for kids to just play a sport for fun, or to just get B's. Every kid has to be the best, the brightest, the most athletic, the smartest, or their parents think their kid will end up becoming a hobo.

 

I was born in the early 70s, and I'm glad I grew up when I did. I wouldn't want to be a kid today. I'm glad to have grown up in a time before social media and the Internet, where parents play "look how talented, smart, etc" my kid is, for everyone they know to see, in real time. And everyone can show off what they own and have and do, for all the world to see.

 

No wonder there's such high rates of depression and anxiety among so many teens today, when they're constantly being barraged by more and more pressure to always be the best, and constantly see reminders of what everyone who has more money, or more popularity, or is more successful, is doing and has.

Edited by RedHairedLady

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He really wants to go and worked hard for it so i wish I had the money. It will look good on his college application for him to go but I am not sure if it will look a thousand dollars good. He wants to go to expensive schools as well so I am sure that's going to be a tough talk as well. ie Stanford, UPenn, Swarthmore etc.

FWIW, family incomes below 100K get a zero tuition bill at Stanford. That still makes it about 20K a year, though. Other highly ranked private schools are friendly with tuition breaks too.

 

Sorry that the school costs are so much. It is goes up every year. Maybe a local CU, or the high school itself could put you in touch with some bridge financing. A side suggestion of leveling with him about the reality of $ and what you are doing for him. Suggest he start his credit file sooner than later. Maybe that same local CU would do an installment loan. Had a friend who's dad started him at age 14 with an installment loan and various small loans at a local bank. He was way ahead of the game before it even started to matter. Good luck and best wishes.

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There are plenty of good "State" schools out there. Some are top ranked in one or more subjects. Nothing wrong with going to a state school. Luckily my state has a good tuition scholarship program (HOPE scholarship and Zell Miller scholarship - we are pushing for the latter) plus a couple of other scholarships that give stipends, and hopefully we won't pay anything out of pocket for our daughter other than spending money. It also happens to be ranked 4th or 5th (depending on what sub-field she chooses) in the degree area she wants to major in. The biggy will be getting grants/scholarships/fellowships if she decides to go for her master's or PhD.

 

DH was hoping for an ivy league college or Notre Dame (she would be Legacy for ND) but neither has a highly ranked teaching school.

All I am saying is if your state university has a good program in his degree field, go for it.

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There are plenty of good "State" schools out there. Some are top ranked in one or more subjects. Nothing wrong with going to a state school. Luckily my state has a good tuition scholarship program (HOPE scholarship and Zell Miller scholarship - we are pushing for the latter) plus a couple of other scholarships that give stipends, and hopefully we won't pay anything out of pocket for our daughter other than spending money. It also happens to be ranked 4th or 5th (depending on what sub-field she chooses) in the degree area she wants to major in. The biggy will be getting grants/scholarships/fellowships if she decides to go for her master's or PhD.

 

DH was hoping for an ivy league college or Notre Dame (she would be Legacy for ND) but neither has a highly ranked teaching school.

 

All I am saying is if your state university has a good program in his degree field, go for it.

 

I could be way off base, but I thought your daughter was only about 10 years old? How does she already know what degree she wants?!

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There are plenty of good "State" schools out there. Some are top ranked in one or more subjects. Nothing wrong with going to a state school. Luckily my state has a good tuition scholarship program (HOPE scholarship and Zell Miller scholarship - we are pushing for the latter) plus a couple of other scholarships that give stipends, and hopefully we won't pay anything out of pocket for our daughter other than spending money. It also happens to be ranked 4th or 5th (depending on what sub-field she chooses) in the degree area she wants to major in. The biggy will be getting grants/scholarships/fellowships if she decides to go for her master's or PhD.

 

DH was hoping for an ivy league college or Notre Dame (she would be Legacy for ND) but neither has a highly ranked teaching school.

 

All I am saying is if your state university has a good program in his degree field, go for it.

 

I could be way off base, but I thought your daughter was only about 10 years old? How does she already know what degree she wants?!

 

11. And yes, she does. (or at least since 2nd grade) Still plenty of time to change her mind though. :lol:

There was a year that she wanted to be a vet....and then she changed her mind after I showed her some of the things vets have to do. ;) So it has been 2nd and 3rd - teacher. 4th Vet. 5th and 6th teacher.

I'm still hoping that "doctor" might sound good to her, but so far she keeps saying "NO". lol. Oh well, one can dream....but one can't push their dream on their kids.

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There are plenty of good "State" schools out there. Some are top ranked in one or more subjects. Nothing wrong with going to a state school. Luckily my state has a good tuition scholarship program (HOPE scholarship and Zell Miller scholarship - we are pushing for the latter) plus a couple of other scholarships that give stipends, and hopefully we won't pay anything out of pocket for our daughter other than spending money. It also happens to be ranked 4th or 5th (depending on what sub-field she chooses) in the degree area she wants to major in. The biggy will be getting grants/scholarships/fellowships if she decides to go for her master's or PhD.

 

DH was hoping for an ivy league college or Notre Dame (she would be Legacy for ND) but neither has a highly ranked teaching school.

 

All I am saying is if your state university has a good program in his degree field, go for it.

I could be way off base, but I thought your daughter was only about 10 years old? How does she already know what degree she wants?!

11. And yes, she does. (or at least since 2nd grade) Still plenty of time to change her mind though. :lol:

There was a year that she wanted to be a vet....and then she changed her mind after I showed her some of the things vets have to do. ;) So it has been 2nd and 3rd - teacher. 4th Vet. 5th and 6th teacher.

I'm still hoping that "doctor" might sound good to her, but so far she keeps saying "NO". lol. Oh well, one can dream....but one can't push their dream on their kids.

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There are plenty of good "State" schools out there. Some are top ranked in one or more subjects. Nothing wrong with going to a state school. Luckily my state has a good tuition scholarship program (HOPE scholarship and Zell Miller scholarship - we are pushing for the latter) plus a couple of other scholarships that give stipends, and hopefully we won't pay anything out of pocket for our daughter other than spending money. It also happens to be ranked 4th or 5th (depending on what sub-field she chooses) in the degree area she wants to major in. The biggy will be getting grants/scholarships/fellowships if she decides to go for her master's or PhD.

 

DH was hoping for an ivy league college or Notre Dame (she would be Legacy for ND) but neither has a highly ranked teaching school.

 

All I am saying is if your state university has a good program in his degree field, go for it.

I could be way off base, but I thought your daughter was only about 10 years old? How does she already know what degree she wants?!

11. And yes, she does. (or at least since 2nd grade) Still plenty of time to change her mind though. :lol:

There was a year that she wanted to be a vet....and then she changed her mind after I showed her some of the things vets have to do. ;) So it has been 2nd and 3rd - teacher. 4th Vet. 5th and 6th teacher.

I'm still hoping that "doctor" might sound good to her, but so far she keeps saying "NO". lol. Oh well, one can dream....but one can't push their dream on their kids.

My older sister and brother (twins), both wanted as kids to be artists - they're both extremely talented at drawing and painting. My sister is now a psychologist, and my brother is a plumber (both have successful small businesses in their fields). So you never know what a kid might end up deciding to do as an adult. ; )

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Well, if she had her druthers, she'd be a pop star or an actress. I told her that was fine as long as she had another profession to back it up.

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Well, if she had her druthers, she'd be a pop star or an actress. I told her that was fine as long as she had another profession to back it up.

Exactly! I think a lot of young people today who are interested in performing have unrealistic expectations of instant success, because of You Tube, American Idol, etc.

Edited by RedHairedLady

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Making it in acting or singing is 1% talent, 9% determination, and 90% luck. You gotta be in the right place, at the right time, and by chance just happen to be what they are looking for.

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Making it in acting or singing is 1% talent, 9% determination, and 90% luck. You gotta be in the right place, at the right time, and by chance just happen to be what they are looking for.

Yep! How else to explain why people like Miley Cyrus have hit it big?, Lol. Though of course, she already had an "in" because of her dad.

Edited by RedHairedLady

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Technology and the cultural changes magnified/enabled by it is progressing at such a rapid rate that what is appealing to a kid now might very well not be in 10 or 15 years. This trend has been around for a few hundred years. Before that, kids usually did what their parents did. Most likely men became soldiers, craftsman, farmers, or hunters and women raised families and became sort of a social glue knitting communities.

 

Everyone has more choice today and it's a good thing that people are so different in where they seek their muse.

 

I'm just fascinated watching this. It is cultural evolution on steroids.

 

 

Ch, Ch, Ch Changes..... David Bowie

 

 

Speaking of Bowie, here's Chris Hadfield's inspiring riff on Bowie videoed in the International Space Station

 

"Major Tom"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaOC9danxNo

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Making it in acting or singing is 1% talent, 9% determination, and 90% luck. You gotta be in the right place, at the right time, and by chance just happen to be what they are looking for.

Yep! How else to explain why people like Miley Cyrus have hit it big?, Lol. Though of course, she already had an "in" because of her dad.

 

Legacy actor/singer LOL.

Actually, there are some good legacy actors and musicians out there.

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People have been going in to different fields than their parents for a while now. It isn't something new....well, maybe "new" if you set a timeline for 10 thousand years, but it has been around in the US for at least the last 100 years.

There are still a few family run businesses around that go from one generation to the next....but those are getting rather rare now.

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Technology and the cultural changes magnified/enabled by it is progressing at such a rapid rate that what is appealing to a kid now might very well not be in 10 or 15 years. This trend has been around for a few hundred years. Before that, kids usually did what their parents did. Most likely men became soldiers, craftsman, farmers, or hunters and women raised families and became sort of a social glue knitting communities.

 

Everyone has more choice today and it's a good thing that people are so different in where they seek their muse.

 

I'm just fascinated watching this. It is cultural evolution on steroids.

 

 

Ch, Ch, Ch Changes..... David Bowie

 

 

Speaking of Bowie, here's Chris Hadfield's inspiring riff on Bowie videoed in the International Space Station

 

"Major Tom"

That's true, there will no doubt be jobs in the future, that we can't even conceive of today.

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