Some of my new adventures...."Off the Grid Cooking"...I thought you all would appreciate the adventures I am now having.
"Off the Grid" Girl Scout cookie recipes - Chapter 1 of my new cookbook coming soon!
So..I was minding my own business when this notification comes up that I need to review some recipes on Facebook. Crap. Recipes? You have no idea how worthless recipes are to me now that I've moved! My BFF sent me this note, seemingly to torture me, using recipes that incorporate Girl Scout Cookies into them. This, after telling her about my need to learn how to cook all over again, and how NOTHING cooks at this altitude.
That's really great that she shared these with me, except:
A) I don't need to have GSC's in my diet. At. ALL.
B ) In a county with a scant population of 455 PEOPLE, elevation 9017'...my options to get GSC's are slim to none. It's not like I can just go down to Wal-Mart (1.5 hours to nearest one!) and buy a case off the tables set up out front. Even if they did have GSC's on tables in front of the Wal-Mart...they'd be buried in snow. You'd see little brownie hats sitting on top of 4' tall snowbabies, which won't melt until July. I'd have to get a search dog just to FIND the Girl Scouts.
C) She has no idea how hard it is to make any ingredient work at high altitude versus that at sea level (where she resides with sea-faring NAVY husband and four adorable and properly-oxygenated children.)
D) Peanut butter is considered a lethal ingredient in our home.
E) She was on the phone laughing hysterically when I tried to bring home ice cream, only to find the entire tub had exploded everywhere. That was NOT.FUNNY.
So. Let's do some modifications, shall we?
Here's the original recipes, but the BOLD font will be my modifications/additions/suggestions:
To choose from:
* Samoas Ice-cream Truffles
* Trefoils Ice-cream Truffles
* Do-Si-Dos Ice-cream Truffles
* Peanut Butter-Chocolate Tagalongs Milk Shakes
* Chocolate-Peanut Butter Sauce
Samoas Ice-cream Truffles
Prep: 25 min., Stand: 15 min., Freeze: 30 min.
Prep: 4 hours of driving time to and from Wal-Mart, after waiting 6 months for the snow to thaw, Stand: 15 minutes, after ice cream explodes on the counter, Freeze: Just put them on the porch at night, regardless of the month you prepare them, and let the coyotes and bears enjoy the finished product!
Yield: Makes 16 truffles
* 1 pt. vanilla ice cream
* 8 coconut-chocolate cookies
* One bottle of oxygen
* One bottle of wine, any kind
1. Let ice cream stand at room temperature 15 minutes to soften.
Put ice cream out on counter, and watch it expand and get your entire counter full of frothy goo. It's okay, though... It will become dehydrated goo in about 12 minutes because the moisture will be sucked out of it immediately. From there you just need to get out an ice scraper from your car and chip the mess off the tiles.
2. Meanwhile, line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and place in freezer.
Meanwhile, line a baking sheet with wax paper, because no one out here knows what parchment paper is....and take the tray to the porch as long as it's after 6pm on any calendar night, as the temps dip below freezing year round...
3. Process cookies in a food processor 1 minute or until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Pour cookie crumbs into a shallow dish.
Process cookies in a food processor, all the while placing your hand on the counter to ground yourself from the static electricity produced by hitting the "on" button on any appliance. After jolting your heart with electrical shocks when you forget to ground yourself (because you are reaching for the wine to keep yourself warm), then add one teaspoon of water to the mix to make them crumbly and course again. (This is because there is no moisture in the air out here, and if there was you'd have no worries about getting shocked!)...and then put that awful mess in a baking dish...and drink some more wine. Take oxygen bottle and inhale contents deeply. The air is thin, and you need your strength to get through this.
4. Scoop ice cream into small balls using a 1 1/4-inch ice-cream scoop, and roll in cookie crumbs.
Using a spoon, because even our rural Wal-Mart doesn't carry something so "particular" like a 1 1/4 inch scoop, just scoop the top three inches off the ever-expanding ice cream and try to fashion a ball out of it...then roll it into the cookie mess.
Arrange on prepared baking sheet in freezer. Freeze truffles at least 30 minutes or up to 24 hours.
Open kitchen window and throw exploding ice cream balls out on the porch, never minding the need to aim for any wax-papered tray. Even if you did reach the tray with good aim, the coyotes will be sitting there waiting for their new treats and they can "bat cleanup" before it even hits the ground.
Note: For testing purposes only, we used Girl Scout Samoas cookies.
Note: For entertainment purposes only, you can throw a few of these out to the bears and watch them rip the coyotes to shreds fighting over them. They don't give a crap what kind of cookie you used, and they have stomachs that can handle exploding ice cream!
Trefoils Ice-cream Truffles: Substitute 1 sleeve (21 cookies) old-fashioned shortbread cookies for coconut-chocolate cookies. Proceed with recipe as directed. Makes 22 truffles. Prep: 25 min., Stand: 15 min., Freeze: 30 min. Note: For testing purposes only, we used Girl Scout Trefoils cookies.
Do-Si-Dos Ice-cream Truffles: Substitute 1 sleeve (11 cookies) peanut butter-cream cookies for coconut-chocolate cookies. Proceed with recipe as directed. Makes 22 truffles. Prep: 25 min., Stand 15 min., Freeze: 30 min. Note: For testing purposes only, we used Girl Scout Do-Si-Dos cookies.
Southern Living, MARCH 2008
Peanut Butter-Chocolate Tagalongs Milk Shakes
Prep: 15 min. Freeze the cookies before crushing to prevent chocolate from melting and making the crumbs stick together.
Prep: 15 minutes. Put the cookies out on the porch before crushing to prevent chocolate from melting and making the crumbs stick together. Add 5 minutes if you have anyone allergic to peanut butter in your home in order to call 9-1-1 and inject an Epi-Pen into their thigh, as directed.
Yield: Makes 4 servings
* 1 qt. chocolate ice cream
* 1 cup milk
* 1 (7-oz.) package chocolate-covered peanut butter cookies, frozen and crushed
* Chocolate-Peanut Butter Sauce
* 1 Epi-Pen
* 4 capsules of Benadryl
* 1 call to 9-1-1
* Latitudinal and longitudinal directions to home, copied and placed via magnet to fridge.
1. Process ice cream and milk in a blender 15 to 20 seconds or until smooth, stopping to scrape down sides, if needed. Remove and reserve 1 cup crushed cookies. Fold remaining crushed cookies into ice-cream mixture.
Put milk and ice cream into blender for 5 seconds before it explodes. Scrape up mixture and insert back into blender. Try again. Repeat. Give up. Dump the cookies in, regardless of their texture. Blend again, and repeat cleanup off cupboards and counters. Reserve remainder in bottom of blender for actual distribution to family members.
2. Pour ice-cream mixture evenly into 4 serving glasses. Drizzle each with 2 Tbsp. Chocolate-Peanut Butter Sauce. Sprinkle with reserved crushed cookies. Serve immediately.
Pour expanding ice cream mixture into a plastic Chuck-E-Cheese cup. Drizzle with Chocolate-Peanut Butter Sauce and garnish with Benadryl Capsules. Give to youngest son, who is not allergic to peanut butter. Watch him "share" with his big brother, who is deathly allergic to peanuts. Call 9-1-1 and administer Epi-Pen injection into child's thigh. Pray the medics can find your house way out in the middle of nowhere, and give them your latitude and longitude to be sure they'll find you by Springtime.
Note: For testing purposes only, we used Girl Scout Tagalongs cookies.
Vanilla-Banana Tagalongs Milk Shakes: Substitute vanilla ice cream for chocolate ice cream. Proceed with recipe as directed, processing 1 banana with milk and ice cream.
Southern Living, MARCH 2008
Chocolate-Peanut Butter Sauce
AKA: "The Kiss of Death Sauce"
Prep: 5 min., Cook: 2 min.
This recipe goes with Peanut Butter-Chocolate Tagalongs Milk Shakes
Yield: Makes about 1/2 cup
* 1/4 cup milk
* 1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate morsels
* 1 1/2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
* 2 teaspoons sugar
1. Combine milk and morsels in a small saucepan. Cook over low heat, whisking constantly, 2 minutes or until smooth.
Combine milk and morsels in a small saucepan. Cook over low heat, whisking until you notice it's burned in less than 2 minutes because liquid boils about 20 degrees lower than at sea level. Cuss.
Remove from heat, and whisk in peanut butter and sugar until well blended.
Remove from heat, and whisk in peanut butter and HALF the sugar. If you add the other half, it will crystallize and make your sauce crunchy. Get latitude and longitude of your location off the magnet on the fridge, give sauce to your children, and call 9-1-1. Wait until Spring for anyone to find you...and then you'll have the rescue squad over for company to see your disaster!
Southern Living, MARCH 2008