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  1. Well we have decided after much haggling and conversation, and figured out how this is going to go: We are going to title together. True, it will be mostly my money paying for this, but the portion my partner can contribute is a non-trivial portion of her net worth. If I predecease her, the house is hers. If she predeceases me, the house is mine. We have agreed that once we are both gone her daughters will inherit the house and everything in it. Since we are looking at a truly badass place in a very tony neighborhood in one of the most LGBTQ friendly cities in the country, we are confident that this place will be a valuable legacy for the girls. Some of my relatives will grumble because this means the house will not go to my beloved nephews, but I figure they are going to get the rest of my estate and will be very well provided for. Nobody is being deprived. My partner has decided that being my cabana boy is not a bad deal at all, especially since this means she'll be able to ride a bike to her now well-funded new job, and best of all, sock some money away so that her later years will be a bit more reasonable. Here goes.....
  2. I replied to this earlier, but I think my reply got eaten. It may be hard for some to understand, but "cheaper to keep her" is something my partner would find degrading beyond words. She's been really clear on this. She does *not* want to be a "kept" woman-- no, not even by another woman. It is an independence and pride thing. She feels very strongly about this. We are both very tough cookies-- I guess it's part of our charm hahahaha. After decades of being poor, I now want to live well. She likes that idea as well but is adamant about not spending my money or being my "cabana boy." It's kind of hilarious really. I'm only half joking about the sitcom idea. In other news, her career just suddenly took off and I am so proud of her. She is a scientist-- her research just delivered big results, and now her part-time gig at a major university is about to become a full-time gig. Her financial wellbeing is looking way more solid. This of course makes both of us even more determined to find a way to live in this HCL town we call home. We both like being here, but now she really needs to stay here. Forgive my digression. Also I think I made some replies without properly logging in. Erghj. Sorry, It's late and I was tired!
  3. Another factor of course is that nobody knows what the future holds. LGBTQ folk have to think about this.
  4. Both of us were in marriages that ended in painful and brutally expensive divorces, so neither of us believes this. Picture another scenario: we are two amicable ladies who are great friends, sometimes lovers, but not interested in marriage, who realizes that we could have a very nice life and retirement if we pool our admittedly unequal resources. How does one make such a thing work in a way that is fair and generous to everyone and protects everyone's interests? Could be a subject for a sitcom!
  5. Hi, actually I'm a she, not a he. This is a same sex relationship, and we do not want to get married. We've been together for 25 years and have always been financially separate. It's worked for us. If I ever were to get married it would only be with a very solid prenup. Haven't decided anything yet, other than that this is a matter to take up with a lawyer. And yes obviously any agreement would have to protect both of us-- I wouldn't have it any other way. We aren't in a hurry.
  6. I'm kind of stunned nobody has a word to say on this subject. This is hardly uncommon.
  7. Wow, this article is filled with info. Mind you, we have no plan to get married, but I had no idea a prenup could offer this level of protection: https://www.newyorker.com/news/us-journal/prenups-arent-just-for-rich-people-anymore?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Daily_071222&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&utm_term=tny_daily_digest&bxid=5f328c3883012517a52a2c2f&cndid=61853364&hasha=b111f2830075081b8b47f2641c1c83e4&hashb=4ad69b93c0c33f45d3ff449c041f6e789e0491a7&hashc=27d8946264f870b3bf13a59c82636a9242b541adce1227a1759bd9dd61a251df&esrc=lwg-register&mbid=CRMNYR012019&utm_content=A
  8. We are not. We are also not married, and we have always kept our finances separate. No joint accounts or joint filing. So this would be a big leap for us.
  9. Thanks for the reply! We have all kinds of reasons to not want to title together-- I started to enumerate them in this reply, but let's just say we are both at a certain age and we both have other family members who we want to care for and whose interests we want to protect. I have two beloved nephews who have something at stake in this. I absolutely want to offer something to my partner's daughters, but I want to be fair to everyone and to myself. It will be almost entirely my money and the trust money that makes all of this possible. Also, for the record, my partner does *not* want to title together if we are not contributing equally. She feels *very* strongly about this. If we were to buy a place with both of us contributing equally, we would have to move out of state and find some tiny town where you can get a house for 200k-- neither of us wants that. My money can put us in the ideal LGBTQ-friendly neighborhood that we both already call home and where we have a community. I'd like to find a way to make this work for both of us. I agree with you about tacit agreements though. I want to set up some sort of contract to make sure everyone is recognized and protected. At our age, this can get complicated, but it is a very reasonable thing to do. If we were both 25 and started out on completely equal footing and building an estate together, obviously it would be different.
  10. Really great points! Thank you! Part of what makes this tricky is that a.) we are not a traditional couple at all and neither of us wants marriage, and b.) there is a great disparity in our assets. If we were not together, her future in retirement would be not impossible but pretty spartan, and though I want to make life a lot easier for her, I also don't want her to feel like I'm sugar-daddying her. She wants to put what she can into this property. So, it will not be a loan. My partner is 65, and this is intended to protect both of our assets. I want her to benefit from what I anticipate will be a property that will appreciate considerably in value, and she wants to be able to leave something to her daughters in the end. We are already discussing the various scenarios-- what happens if our relationship goes south or we just don't want to live together? What happens if I predecease her? I want to make sure that if my name is on the deed, she has some sort of lifetime rights to continue living in the place. I am also considering setting up a trust (maybe that is the best way to do this?) and ultimately leaving the place to her daughters once we are both deceased. So many decisions..... so yeah, lawyer. My main reason for posting this is that surely others have done this before. I'd love to hear more about options.
  11. How would you manage this? I am finally in a position to buy a condo with mostly cash, though I will also have to take out a small mortgage (under 200k-- yes, I live in a HCL part of the country where a condo easily goes for 900K+) My non-marital partner will be living with me and does not have the kind of money I have and will probably never be in a position to own a home, but will be able to contribute 100K or maybe less. I want to honour her contribution, but I feel that since we are not married and it's mostly my money that is making this possible, my name only should be on the deed. She and I could then draw up a legally binding agreement that would lay out her contribution and state clearly that this is an investment, not a gift. I am thinking that if she and I part ways for any reason, I would agree to buy out her share at whatever the market rate is. I would love to hear more about how other people have handled this, what's fair etc. I want to protect myself obviously, but I also want to protect her and be fair. Thoughts? Please don't say "you should get married!" It's not that kind of a relationship.
  12. Okay, I looked up "BT arbitrage" and.... Whatthewhatthe? Wouldn't this require you to have some way of investing all that 0% borrowed money in a product that would actually yield a ROI that would be worth all these shenanigans? What could that possibly be? A "high-yield" savings account with a 0.05% yield? I think the best case scenario would be to use the 0% BT offer to buy time to pay off the debt. And maybe play that game of BT musical chairs ("Citi today! Wells Fargo next year!") to extend the amount of time you have by maybe a year. Otherwise this sounds sooooo.... gah, pre-2008. I ran up some debt to get myself through cancer treatments. I dont want to make this a lifestyle. I'm reasonably sure that I will have this at least almost paid off within the year.
  13. What. What? Whatthewhatthe? People do this? They let you string together BT after BT? They actually make those offers? This never even occurred to me! I could see doing one more BT if you need a bit more time to pay the whole thing off, but that is absolutely it.
  14. It is *definitely* better than paying the standard APR! My point is only that the bank is not going without any meals. I just put all of my debt (medical debt btw) onto two 0% cards, but my plan is to aggressively pay it down so that I won't have to totally bend over in 21 months. I am resisting the temptation to think of this as "free money." And I would hate myself if I allowed my balances to get any larger! I have my healtg back, and that is what matters most.
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