DD#1 is in her second year of college. So far I have $20,000 in PLUS loans from Sallie Mae. They actually are in deferment right now because *I* am also taking classes (and how the heck did Sallie Mae know I was in school? I didn't tell them I was in school and I didn't ask for a deferment, but they sent me an email saying the loan was in deferment because I was in school. Makes me paranoid that they know stuff about me I didn't tell them!)

But anyway, so far I owe Sallie Mae $20,000. DD #2 will be starting college in fall 2006. And DS in fall 2008. Even if I only borrow $20,000 for each of them that's still $60,000!!!!!!!!!

I'm thinking the next two years DD#1 I will decline the PLUS loan and DD #1 can either choose to take out loans for her last two years or work her way through the last two years. We just can't afford to foot the bill for four years of college for three kids! At times like this I think it would have been better to have ONE kid. Then you are pouring all your time, attention, love and money into ONE place and it's not spread so thin!

Why do I feel guilty about not footing the entire bill for college though? I know I shouldn't feel guilty about that. I think it's because most of my daughter's friends have parents who can easily afford to pay for college and I can't.

I was able to avoid the PLUS up until this year for DS(his 3rd yr)& only borrowed $4000 this year to help him cover his dorm costs. His next 2 years (5yr program) will be more expensive with costs soaring. He has only borrowed $4000 on his own so far. He does work summers and breaks so that helps.

I know parents who seem to write the check with ease but that's not the norm. Most parents struggle. College is a business and they do a great job of selling it. Has DD applied for any scholarships, academic or need based? Always ask the financial aid office if there is any aid she can apply for that she doesn't know about.

We don't qualify for anything need based and academically she does okay but not OUTSTANDING. She did apply for some scholarships to begin with but didn't get anything with that. I did try to get her to look into scholarship hall her freshman year and she didn't seem too interested in that (I loved in a scholarship hall and it was a great experience). She'll be a junior next year so I doubt scholarship hall would be something she'd want to do at this point after living in an apartment! She was going to take classes this summer but now has decided she'll work instead and save money, which I think is a good choice!

There are actually databases that you can go to online and I believe there is a number you can call (I know there is for my school), that will tell you exactly how much you owe in student loan debts and also your status in school.

I know how much I owe, it's $20,000, for PLUS loans for daughter's school. I have not taken out any financial aid for myself. I was just wondering how they know *I* am in school. My loans are completely for my daughter's education, not mine!

I'm taking a total guess here as I'm not at all familiar with PLUS loans (basically, all I know is that they're parental student loans!!), but there may be a provision in them that says that deferment applies even if you're in school. Essentially, they seem like they're basically a student loan that you took out, so it does make sense. I do think that everyone gets run through the financial aid office, so it may have been just an automatic thing. There may also have been a mistake made that actually ended up being in your favor -- gotta love that for a change!!

I know what you mean about the paranoia, though. I'd probably be the same way! Also, if you can't afford the loans, I wouldn't feel at all guilty about it (although, as the parent, I doubt that guilt is impossible to really avoid!). My parents told me that they would pay for what the tuition would be at an in-state public university. If I chose to go to a private school or go out of state, then anything above that was up to me (and, by the way, I AM an only child!!). Your daughter, and your other children, when the time comes, will have plenty of time to pay back the loans or make other arrangements (take part-time classes while working, etc.). You, on the other hand, need to take care of your own finances. If this is going to make it difficult for you to save for yourself and your retirement, then you need to take care of that first. I'm sure it's even more difficult when you see what your daughter's friends are getting -- but remember that they may be paying for it out of an inheritance or something that you don't know about or, more likely, they're putting themselves into an impossible debt situation that they're going to regret big time later. I think that if you're responsible with your money, even if it means not being able to pay for all of their college costs for your kids and make them contribute toward it, that will actually teach them a MUCH better lesson than they could if you just gave it to them, anyway.

Good luck!!!

[quote=ziggypop,Apr 7 2005, 10:50 AM]
[quote=Luzianne,Apr 7 2005, 08:31 AM][quote=sherryaggie02,Apr 7 2005, 09:53 AM][quote=Luzianne,Apr 6 2005, 06:38 PM]
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I'm taking a total guess here as I'm not at all familiar with PLUS loans (basically, all I know is that they're parental student loans!!), but there may be a provision in them that says that deferment applies even if you're in school. Essentially, they seem like they're basically a student loan that you took out, so it does make sense. I do think that everyone gets run through the financial aid office, so it may have been just an automatic thing. There may also have been a mistake made that actually ended up being in your favor -- gotta love that for a change!!
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No, I'm sure it's not a mistake and yes, it is a provision that if you are in school the loan is in deferment. I just wondered how they KNOW I'm in school. I don't go to the same school as my daughter. I think they must just run the SSNs of everyone who has a loan through them (Sallie Mae) through a government database of enrolled students or something. That's the only way they would know. I have never told them at all that I am in school, nor have I applied for a student loan for ME. I just thought it was weird that they within a month of me starting classes put my loan into deferment without me asking!

The gov't database is:

www.NSLDS.ed.gov

you can sign in with the PIN you used to sign your FAFSA. Your student loans and your PLUS loans will be listed together. If you have DD sign in, she will see her PLUS loans on her account as well.

My parents got a Parent Plus loan with my older brother. His college was $40k a year for 2 years. Even though I am going to a state school, I didn't want to put even more of a burden on them, so I never asked them (and previously had told them I didn't want them to) to take out a Parent Plus loan. I received grants and student loans. My younger brother also never had them take out a Parent Plus loan (but he only went for one semester to a community college). They did end up helping me with my second year for $800 when my housing bill came due (I *think* they only paid half, but I'm not sure).

I'm a firm believer that parents should NOT have to pay for their children to go to college. I do think it nice and I want to help out as much as I can, but I think if a person wants to go to college badly enough they will work that butts off to try to get grants, scholarships, loans, work, and whatever other means they can get to pay their way through college. Yes I will help my daughter out when she gets to college (as well as any other children we have), but I do know expect nor plan on putting myself in debt for it. That may sound mean, but I just think if she wants it enough, she can work hard and get it, you know?

I have 7 children, so there is no way I can pay for their colleges. I was an only child and fortunate that my Mom was able to pay for my school, so I had no loans when I got out.

My son played around with several majors, was out for a year, then went back a semester. He is very smart, but also decided a few C's were okay in H.S., so he didn't get the state lottery scholarship for a B average. Now unfortunately, his loans are coming due and he doesn't have the satisfaction of feeling that money was well spent--since he still has another year and half before he could graduate. It's going to be difficult for him to pay them back and meet his rent/utilities/etc. Both my daughters earned the state lottery scholarship which saves them around $25,000 over the 4 year period. As an on and off again sole breadwinner/head of household, they have qualified also for some federal grants. They each had to use some Stafford Loan money, though to round out college costs. One of my daughters graduates this May, and I think she owes around $l2-l5K, and is working on job interviews now. The youngest owes 3 or 4K, but plans to transfer to an out-of-state music program next year--so we are hoping she will qualify for the funds to take her there.

They have all three had to be very self-sufficient for the last three years, and I am very proud of them all. I've covered their car insurance, cell phones, and I was able to get them used cars when they got in their 20s, so they don't have a car payment--and hopefully won't for a few years.

They've all had jobs since h.s. and through college. They've had some struggles, and I have period of guilt that I couldn't make it easier for them, like my Mom (a single parent--my dad died when I was l6) made it for me. It seems like all my daughters' friends have wealthy parents who foot all the bills for college--new cars--travels--living expenses--etc. I happen to think that's wrong, and that kids get a rude awaking in adulthood, if mom and dad ever close the checkbook. I believe kids should work for what they get and they appreciate it more. (When they were home, if they wanted expensive tennis shoes, a tv for their room, a PS2 game, they had to do chores or work to pay for part of it, and we'd supplement the other part.) Part of that was out of necessity, but part of it was an effort to teach them you can't get everything you want handed out to you--you have to work hard. They've seen me work two jobs as long as they can remember. Some days they seem to appreciate what I've tried to do, and other days they'll say ask for some help with something and then say, "Why'd you have so many kids." I always say--"Well, which one would I have left out--you?". Then I laugh and tell them I couldn't Imagine life without each one of them.

I hope you are completing a FAFSA yearly. It's hard to believe with you and two of the girls in college--that you all wouldn't qualify for some type of grant. I hope your daughters have jobs. They may be able to get work-study jobs at their colleges. File their income taxes and they can get a little money back to help with their expenses each year. Help with what you can, feel a little guilt, but then let it go cause you know you are doing your best.

My parents always told us kids they would NOT pay for college. We had better have grades good enough to qualify for scholarships. Otherwise, we would have the wonderful opportunity to pay off student loans later.

They kept true to their word! It's also not that bad either. We made good grades--me and my sister both received 4 year scholarships.

When my 2 year old is older, I will tell him the same thing--I think it helps kids to study and get better grades. We always knew college was on us. Heck, in third grade (literally) I was ready to go look at colleges and compare their costs!

Wow, I'm so glad the last two posters basically agreed with me about not funding college. Whenever people ask me how I plan to pay for my kids college and I tell them I DON'T plan on footing the bill, I've gotten some pretty funny looks lemme tell ya. I thought maybe I was the only one nowadays that thought this way?

And let me tell you, it wasn't (and still isn't) easy for me. Even with a gpa of over a 100 and being 6th in my class (top 5 percent) when I graduated college, I still couldn't get any scholarships. I've had to survive on grants, sl's (almost $10K and I still have 3 more semesters), and work-study.

Like the other poster said: KEEP filing the FASFA. They lower your EFC for every person in colleg, by quite a bit too, it seems. Plus, I've had friends taht thought their parents made way too much money (talking like 80K+ a yr) that still qualified for financial aid--and got it.

Have you gone to half priced books or something. They have these HUGE books that list literally thousands of scholarships, with the criteria. Unfortunately most of them are fairly exclusive (parents work for CERTAIN companies, must be minority, etc), so I found VERY few that I qualified for--and the ones I did qualify for, I didn't get the scholarship).

Wow, I am so glad I read this thread!! We have a hs senior (my stepdaughter) who wants to go to college. She has this mistaken impression that the money will just mysteriously appear out of nowhere to pay for this. We started telling her 2 years ago that if she wants to go to the local college she can live at home, as long as she gets a part time job. She keeps thinking that she is going to go to college that is about 300 miles away, still in state, and live there in the dorm. She is under the impression that the dorm would only cost 1900 a year I gave her a run down last night of the ACTUAL COST of 2 semesters of college which came out to the tune of about 10,300. She hasn't spoken to me since. She did not apply for scholarships, even though I HOUNDED her to do it. She is not a stellar student and she is not involved in any school activites or community service. She did fill out her FAFSA and was approved for the basic 2600 for her first year. She doesn't seem to understand that the remaining about 9000 is not going to be paid by US!

According to the financial aid sheet she got, our contribution would have to be about 5000 per year with the rest paid by private loans. There is absolutely NO WAY we can take out a loan!!

I feel like I am beating my head on a brick wall! I never went to college, never really desired it until now. I have been employed full time for the last 28 years.

I can't seem to talk her into going to the college and talking to the counselor. It's a battle of the wills. She thinks if she waits long enough, we'll just throw in the towel and support her. There is absolutely no way we can support her, other than give her a place to live while she goes to the local college. I am really just about at my wits end. She won't even go-online and accept her FAFSA!! Which has to be done by next Friday. She wants me to do it for her. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. And I agree that if you want something bad enough, you'll figure out a way to get it. I think it makes it worth that much more.

BTW, her brother (my stepson) pulled the same thing on us, and came back to us the other day and said it was all our fault that he wasn't in college, because we would not co-sign a loan for him. Unfortunately, he is not very honest and has no job, and lives off of someone else and does odd jobs when he can. He will be 20 on Tuesday!

I'll add my thoughts as a young person who just graduated two years ago from college. My parents were up front with me when it came close to college time, saying that they could support my gas expenses and basic living expenses, they could not afford to pay for my school and they showed no interest in taking out a PLUS loan. (Don't get me wrong, my parents are still a huge help to me when I need it, but they were strapped for cash and had their own things to pay off.)

I learned something from their example, which is important to me. But I also chose I school that offered what I wanted/needed to take as well as a school that I loved. I didn't qualify for any scholarships, but I went to a state school that cost $3000 per semester. I feel that I am equal in my educational experience to my peers who went to more expensive colleges. I'm currently paying off the loans that I took to get through school. (I went to school 200 miles away from school and felt bad asking my parents to send me money when I wanted to go to the movies, so I worked for "running money" while in school)

I guess my point is, don't feel guilty about having your kids pay for their own schooling. I think it teaches students about real life financial issues, thinking about how much debt you're racking up and how you'll pay it back once you graduate. Ultimately, unless a parent makes their kid go to a certain school, the student has the choice to make between schools, based on what the school offers as well as the cost to go there.

Kay