She's still at the Residential Treatment Center, and likely (hopefully) will be for the rest of the year. She continues to deny the need for help. She also continues to claim that when she finally gets out that she will continue drinking and doing drugs and not listening to me. She's very hard headed and extremely moody. She can go from sweet to major witch in 2.5 seconds flat. We had a family therapy session last week on Monday and she (fortunately) showed her therapist a side she hadn't seen yet. She pretty much screamed at me the whole time, blaming me for everything she's done, admitted to more things she supposedly did, and told me she wished I were dead on more than one occasion. Her therapist had also mentioned to me over the phone, prior to the family therapy session, that my daughter had began to work through the death of her best friend....to which I replied "What death of what friend???". Apparently my daughter said that her best friend had died. I know that's not true. So for some reason she is conjuring up many more lies. Of course I'm still dealing with the lies about being raped, sleeping with the 19 year old (whether it was really consensual or not, story keeps changing), now the supposed death of her best friend, she told the therapist she had a miscarriage (not true), and she has also made 3 other allegations of sexual misconduct/inappropriate touching by peers while at the place she is in now. The allegations thus far have proved false (surprise surprise). I just found out today during a CFT (Child Family Team) meeting that at one point when she was in the hospital back in May, the hospital had told my/our high needs case worker that my daughter had many serious STD's. Which ones I'm not sure, but I do hope to find out just so I know. I continue to be shocked at all her behavior. She is continuing with physically agressive behavior towards some of her peers and keeps finding things to cut herself with. She has hundreds of scars now, all of which are from the time she's been at this place. She continues to disobey orders from the staff. She is now being strip searched a couple times a week because of her hiding her self harming under her clotheing as well as continually taking contraband into the dorm. She's pretty much digging herself a very deep hole and proving me right with the stuff I told CPS about her being a danger to herself and others. I'm totally beginning to believe she is purposely trying to make her stay away from home permanent. I haven't received any more contact from her father since the first letter. Hopefully that was the one and only time I will hear from him, but something tells me it won't be the last of it. I find myself withdrawing more and more from my daughter. I have tried so hard to be there for her and get her the help she needs only to have her just completely refuse it all and treat me worse and worse each time I see her. I hate that I feel like not even wanting to see or talk to her. It's hard when everytime I do she just abuses me. It's devestating to see this beautiful girl become someone totally unrecognizable. She still looks like my child...but it's NOT her inside. It's like some demon took over her body. It's so sad. I miss my daughter, the one I used to know. I find myself looking through photo albums every day and trying to remember the sweet, inquisitive, good natured child she once was. I usually end up crying myself to sleep. Being a parent is so hard, so much harder than I ever thought possible. It's heartbreaking.
Another update on my daughter
Started by
suedinaz
, Jul 18 2012 03:52 AM
12 replies to this topic
#1
Posted 18 July 2012 - 03:52 AM
#2
Posted 18 July 2012 - 05:32 AM
Big hugs to you.. if she continues to try and cut herself.. is there a way to find a different place that would be more suited to her needs? I can't believe the staff would still allow her to find ways to cut herself at this point. Couple times a week for strip search? Hell it should be day/night.. not couple times a week.
#3
Posted 18 July 2012 - 10:23 AM
I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this, and can't blame you for not being enthusiastic about visiting her. I hope that somehow they are able to help her turn her life around. (((HUGS)))
#5
Posted 18 July 2012 - 03:52 PM
((((Hugs)))) I hope your little girl can get the help she needs and that you get back the daughter that you remember! 
#6
Posted 18 July 2012 - 04:18 PM
The only real advice I can give is to try not to feel guilt.
1. It won't change anything
2. It isn't warranted
3. No one with any sense would judge you. It could happen to any one of us.
I'm so sorry that this has happened. One can only hope that it will improve some day. In the mean time you take care of the family that's left.
1. It won't change anything
2. It isn't warranted
3. No one with any sense would judge you. It could happen to any one of us.
I'm so sorry that this has happened. One can only hope that it will improve some day. In the mean time you take care of the family that's left.
#7
Posted 18 July 2012 - 04:38 PM
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear all that. I can't even imagine what you must be going through as a parent. All you can do is continue to love her. You don't always have to like her, though, and that would be very understandable at this point. Being at a residential treatment center certainly sounds like the place she needs to be. I encourage you to continue with family therapy as advised by the counselor. I imagine that when you're going through so much with one child, it might be possible to not pay as much attention to your other children (if you have more), so hopefully the rest of your family is doing well.
#8
Posted 18 July 2012 - 06:40 PM
Have they diagnosed her with anything yet? By your description, this isn't just a case of kid-gone-wild. It sounds more like some sort of disorder (that I am in no way qualified to diagnose - I am just saying it sounds like more than the typical teenage rebellion)
Since it appears that she is getting worse, not better, they need to be coming up with some answers. If not, she needs to be somewhere else.
It is very possible that what has happened before was just the beginning of all of this, and she would behaving this way regardless of where she is. But it seems to me that they have had long enough to have some answers.
My heart goes out to you and your other children. I know this is hard on you.
Keep looking at those pictures. And, keep looking at your daughter - she is still there, inside somewhere. With the right help, the doctors and counselors can hopefully bring her back out.
And SplashMom is right, in your worry over this daughter, remember your other children also, they need you as well.
Since it appears that she is getting worse, not better, they need to be coming up with some answers. If not, she needs to be somewhere else.
It is very possible that what has happened before was just the beginning of all of this, and she would behaving this way regardless of where she is. But it seems to me that they have had long enough to have some answers.
My heart goes out to you and your other children. I know this is hard on you.
Keep looking at those pictures. And, keep looking at your daughter - she is still there, inside somewhere. With the right help, the doctors and counselors can hopefully bring her back out.
And SplashMom is right, in your worry over this daughter, remember your other children also, they need you as well.
#9
Posted 18 July 2012 - 07:32 PM
Yes, I do have one other child, a 12 year old son. Currently, he is out of town visiting with his Dad and Grandparents. He left on Saturday and will be back this coming Sunday. Luckily, I do have plenty of time to spend with him...mostly BECAUSE my daughter is not in the home. I know that sounds odd, but when she was home, I was having to spend much more time trying to keep tabs on her and spent many hours walking on eggshells to keep the peace at home. Currently, the issues with my daughter are only keeping me physically away from my son a few hours a week. I typicaly visit her once a week (it's a 35-40 minute drive), and am also taking parenting classes one night a week for a couple hours. I do not work, so the rest of the time I am home with my son and spending time with him. He and I will soon begin our own therapy, both individually and together, to have an outlet and a means to cope with everything going on. My son will be starting school in just a couple weeks and I will plan my parenting classes, therapy sessions, and visits with my daughter to occur while he is at school so he can have me to himself after school.
My daughter does have a few DX. For a long while, many doctors were saying she is bipolar. She also carries the diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, PTSD, Polysubstance Dependence, and likely Borderline Personality Disorder (they don't typically formally diagnose this one until 18). The place she is at is doing all they can, which is very difficult when you have someone who is completely in denial and refuses to help herself. That along with all the lies, it is difficult to completely nail down a proper diagnosis because no one knows what the truth is when she speaks. Unfortunately, because she is now a ward of the state and under the guardianship of CPS, I have no rights or control over where she is or what her treatment plan is. I do kind of wish she was in an even more controlled environment (she is in a locked down facility that is spread over a campus, so the possibility of AWOL is there, even if slim). It bothers me that she has continued to find things to hurt herself with. She'll hurt herself with whatever she can find, whether it is a staple pulled from a packet of papers or a pair of glasses that she breaks, or silverware smuggled from the cafeteria. She has barricaded herself in her room a couple times and hurt herself. She also admitted to me a suicide attempt while there by way of a plastic waste basket liner over her head. She will not begin to get better until she quits being in denial and accepts the help being offered. Until then, we are stuck treading water. It's very frustrating. Her therapist, based on how our family therapy went last week, has decided to temporarily suspend those sessios until I have a personal therapist lined up to help me deal with the family therapy sessions. In other words...I need therapy/counseling for the therapy. It's emotonally exhausting.
*Edited for spelling.
My daughter does have a few DX. For a long while, many doctors were saying she is bipolar. She also carries the diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, PTSD, Polysubstance Dependence, and likely Borderline Personality Disorder (they don't typically formally diagnose this one until 18). The place she is at is doing all they can, which is very difficult when you have someone who is completely in denial and refuses to help herself. That along with all the lies, it is difficult to completely nail down a proper diagnosis because no one knows what the truth is when she speaks. Unfortunately, because she is now a ward of the state and under the guardianship of CPS, I have no rights or control over where she is or what her treatment plan is. I do kind of wish she was in an even more controlled environment (she is in a locked down facility that is spread over a campus, so the possibility of AWOL is there, even if slim). It bothers me that she has continued to find things to hurt herself with. She'll hurt herself with whatever she can find, whether it is a staple pulled from a packet of papers or a pair of glasses that she breaks, or silverware smuggled from the cafeteria. She has barricaded herself in her room a couple times and hurt herself. She also admitted to me a suicide attempt while there by way of a plastic waste basket liner over her head. She will not begin to get better until she quits being in denial and accepts the help being offered. Until then, we are stuck treading water. It's very frustrating. Her therapist, based on how our family therapy went last week, has decided to temporarily suspend those sessios until I have a personal therapist lined up to help me deal with the family therapy sessions. In other words...I need therapy/counseling for the therapy. It's emotonally exhausting.
*Edited for spelling.
Edited by suedinaz, 18 July 2012 - 07:36 PM.
#10
Posted 19 July 2012 - 08:27 AM
I couldn't think of anything uplifting or positive to add, Sudinaz so I just wanted to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you. 
#11
ICANHASMUNY?
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Posted 19 July 2012 - 08:32 PM
I couldn't think of anything uplifting or positive to add, Sudinaz so I just wanted to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you.
this...
- have they tried any medications at all???? I don't think just cognitive therapy is going to get thru the walll.
#12
Posted 19 July 2012 - 10:05 PM
I couldn't think of anything uplifting or positive to add, Sudinaz so I just wanted to tell you my thoughts and prayers are with you.
this...
- have they tried any medications at all???? I don't think just cognitive therapy is going to get thru the walll.
Oh yes. She's been on various medications over the past nearly 2 years...when she agrees to take them. My understanding is that she is willingly taking them currently.
#13
cotterpin
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Posted 20 July 2012 - 07:32 AM
Ahhh, this is such a crappy situation for all of you. So sorry that things aren't really improving, yet glad that at least you're being vindicated by her actions so that CPS etc don't think you're making it all up. Sadly.
I have no advice, just hugs.
I have no advice, just hugs.
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