38 replies to this topic

[longislandguy]

Hey guys. My fiance and I are getting married in October. We are financing the entire wedding ourselves as there is no one to help us pay for it. For the most part, most of the wedding has gone on low rate credit cards. At this point I have allocated just about all of the funds needed to pay the remaining balances needed for the wedding except for the honeymoon. My fiance and I really want to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We both work hard and we deserve it but, do not have the liquid funds to secure it. The honeymoon expense (roughly 8k) would have to be put on a card as well and I really hate doing that. The last thing either of us wants to do is come into a marriage with tremendous debt. Just not logical. What would you guys do in our situation with no financial help? Would you just go for it or wait a year or two until we are better prepared financially to pay for it? I have flirted with the idea of more inexpensive ideas like Vegas for the honeymoon or possibly a cruise but I can tell she is not that into it. Any advice?

Just to breakdown why Hawaii is 8k:
Hotel: 5k with taxes and fees (Hawaii is not cheap!)
Airfare: 1.9k from NY round trip
Spending money for food, entertainment, exploring, gifts, etc: 2k

Edited by longislandguy, 30 April 2012 - 04:22 PM.

[pryan67]

Hey guys. My fiance and I are getting married in October. We are financing the entire wedding ourselves as there is no one to help us pay for it. For the most part, most of the wedding has gone on low rate credit cards. At this point I have allocated just about all of the funds needed to pay the remaining balances needed for the wedding except for the honeymoon. My fiance and I really want to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We both work hard and we deserve it but, do not have the liquid funds to secure it. The honeymoon expense (roughly 8k) would have to be put on a card as well and I really hate doing that. The last thing either of us wants to do is come into a marriage with tremendous debt. Just not logical. What would you guys do in our situation with no financial help? Would you just go for it or wait a year or two until we are better prepared financially to pay for it? I have flirted with the idea of more inexpensive ideas like Vegas for the honeymoon or possibly a cruise but I can tell she is not that into it. Any advice?

Just to breakdown why Hawaii is 8k:
Hotel: 5k with taxes and fees (Hawaii is not cheap!)
Airfare: 1.9k from NY round trip
Spending money for food, entertainment, exploring, gifts, etc: 2k

how long of a honeymoon are you looking at? 5k is a lot (of course...if you're talking 2 weeks...it's not as much) You don't mention the dates...but I see airfares for ~1600 from JFK to HNL

[sirrowan]

If it were me, I wouldn't be putting my wedding on credit cards. If you cannot afford to pay for the wedding, why can't you just get married at the court house and then have a low key reception, say a backyard BBQ or some such? Everyone can bring a dish etc. It's not fancy, but in my opinion, it'd be alot more fun.

Whether you have a big expensive wedding or get married at the court house, the result is the same. You are married.

I'd save my money and perhaps have a 5 year celebration or some such down the road. Same with the honeymoon. You can always do that down the road. WHEN you have the money.

There is no reason to financially strap yourselves for a wedding. It's truly NOT worth it. Especially when so many couples end in divorce. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the two of you are soooooo in love now. But 2-5 years down the road things might happen.

If it were me, I'd wait until after the 5 year mark (that alot of couples don't make it to lol) and then plan something and reward yourselves for making it.

If she isn't down for a less extravagant honeymoon....and you do not have the funds for it....that would give ME room for pause as her future husband. It's never a good idea to spend "future" earnings. Do you really want to marry someone that isn't willing to live within your means?

[longislandguy]

Hey guys. My fiance and I are getting married in October. We are financing the entire wedding ourselves as there is no one to help us pay for it. For the most part, most of the wedding has gone on low rate credit cards. At this point I have allocated just about all of the funds needed to pay the remaining balances needed for the wedding except for the honeymoon. My fiance and I really want to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We both work hard and we deserve it but, do not have the liquid funds to secure it. The honeymoon expense (roughly 8k) would have to be put on a card as well and I really hate doing that. The last thing either of us wants to do is come into a marriage with tremendous debt. Just not logical. What would you guys do in our situation with no financial help? Would you just go for it or wait a year or two until we are better prepared financially to pay for it? I have flirted with the idea of more inexpensive ideas like Vegas for the honeymoon or possibly a cruise but I can tell she is not that into it. Any advice?

Just to breakdown why Hawaii is 8k:
Hotel: 5k with taxes and fees (Hawaii is not cheap!)
Airfare: 1.9k from NY round trip
Spending money for food, entertainment, exploring, gifts, etc: 2k

how long of a honeymoon are you looking at? 5k is a lot (of course...if you're talking 2 weeks...it's not as much) You don't mention the dates...but I see airfares for ~1600 from JFK to HNL

We would be going to the island of Maui from 10/30/12-11/6/12. The airfare I quoted was through Hawaiian Airlines. The Net amount with tax is $1847. Hawaiian is the only airline that offers direct flights out of NY that I found with bags included. The main expense are the rooms. They are VERY pricey (understandable) at an average of $500 per night plus 13.75% tax per night. Then I figured in at least $200 per day for 3 meals, travel, expenses, etc.

[longislandguy]

If it were me, I wouldn't be putting my wedding on credit cards. If you cannot afford to pay for the wedding, why can't you just get married at the court house and then have a low key reception, say a backyard BBQ or some such? Everyone can bring a dish etc. It's not fancy, but in my opinion, it'd be alot more fun.

Whether you have a big expensive wedding or get married at the court house, the result is the same. You are married.

I'd save my money and perhaps have a 5 year celebration or some such down the road. Same with the honeymoon. You can always do that down the road. WHEN you have the money.

There is no reason to financially strap yourselves for a wedding. It's truly NOT worth it. Especially when so many couples end in divorce. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the two of you are soooooo in love now. But 2-5 years down the road things might happen.

If it were me, I'd wait until after the 5 year mark (that alot of couples don't make it to lol) and then plan something and reward yourselves for making it.

If she isn't down for a less extravagant honeymoon....and you do not have the funds for it....that would give ME room for pause as her future husband. It's never a good idea to spend "future" earnings. Do you really want to marry someone that isn't willing to live within your means?

I agree with you regarding a small, inexpensive wedding. That's what we both want. If it were up to us we would just get married by the court and then have a backyard gathering like you suggested. The problem is her MOTHER. Ever see momzilla? She wants a "proper" wedding but doesn't want to pay for it even though she has plenty of money (although it's not liquid). Plus, a lot of the deposits are non-refundable. As far as my fiance not wanting to do anything low key I should clarify in her defense. She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Edited by longislandguy, 30 April 2012 - 04:47 PM.

[giraffy]

I agree with you regarding a small, inexpensive wedding. That's what we both want. If it were up to us we would just get married by the court and then have a backyard gathering like you suggested. The problem is her MOTHER. Ever see momzilla? She wants a "proper" wedding but doesn't want to pay for it even though she has plenty of money (although it's not liquid). Plus, a lot of the deposits are non-refundable. As far as my fiance not wanting to do anything low key I should clarify in her defense. She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

It IS up to you. If you're paying for it, it's your decision.

I'd wait. Doesn't seem worth it if you're going to be all antsy and stressed out about paying for it.

[VibrantEcho]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

[blackberry74]

If it were me, I'd wait a year or two and go. The wedding lasts a day and the honeymoon a few days or maybe a week...but your marriage is for life. If you look at it from that perspective, there's plenty of time for a honeymoon and do it up exactly how you want without stressing about paying for it.

[longislandguy]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

Edited by longislandguy, 30 April 2012 - 05:24 PM.

[longislandguy]

If it were me, I'd wait a year or two and go. The wedding lasts a day and the honeymoon a few days or maybe a week...but your marriage is for life. If you look at it from that perspective, there's plenty of time for a honeymoon and do it up exactly how you want without stressing about paying for it.

This seems like the most logical approach. I think it will be better to just wait instead of be stressing constantly. Plus, it will give us something to look forward to down the road

[giraffy]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

You should ask Snork and Rom. They just got back from Maui and I'm pretty certain they did NOT pay $500 a night.

[VibrantEcho]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

Have you looked into Kihei? It's about halfway between Lahaina and Wailea, so you get easy access to both sets of tourist hotspots. Plus it's got plenty of beachfront of its own.

[longislandguy]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

Have you looked into Kihei? It's about halfway between Lahaina and Wailea, so you get easy access to both sets of tourist hotspots. Plus it's got plenty of beachfront of its own.

Hmm, I will take a look at Tripadvisor later and look into that thanks

[baby duck]

If it were me, I wouldn't be putting my wedding on credit cards. If you cannot afford to pay for the wedding, why can't you just get married at the court house and then have a low key reception, say a backyard BBQ or some such? Everyone can bring a dish etc. It's not fancy, but in my opinion, it'd be alot more fun.

Whether you have a big expensive wedding or get married at the court house, the result is the same. You are married.

I'd save my money and perhaps have a 5 year celebration or some such down the road. Same with the honeymoon. You can always do that down the road. WHEN you have the money.

There is no reason to financially strap yourselves for a wedding. It's truly NOT worth it. Especially when so many couples end in divorce. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure the two of you are soooooo in love now. But 2-5 years down the road things might happen.

If it were me, I'd wait until after the 5 year mark (that alot of couples don't make it to lol) and then plan something and reward yourselves for making it.

If she isn't down for a less extravagant honeymoon....and you do not have the funds for it....that would give ME room for pause as her future husband. It's never a good idea to spend "future" earnings. Do you really want to marry someone that isn't willing to live within your means?

I agree with you regarding a small, inexpensive wedding. That's what we both want. If it were up to us we would just get married by the court and then have a backyard gathering like you suggested. The problem is her MOTHER. Ever see momzilla? She wants a "proper" wedding but doesn't want to pay for it even though she has plenty of money (although it's not liquid). Plus, a lot of the deposits are non-refundable. As far as my fiance not wanting to do anything low key I should clarify in her defense. She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Everything I bolded above set off warning bells for me.

Mom has no say if she doesn't pay.

I wouldn't do it. The "you only live once" mentality is going to keep you from enjoying life in the long run, because that mentality can apply to everything . . .

Edited by baby duck, 30 April 2012 - 06:43 PM.

[jv01]

Is the agenda to sit around on the beach all day or do you want to get out and explore a little? If it's the latter you can spend a week circling around the Big Island and spend no more than $200/night for rooms and $50/day each for meals without staying in fleabag places. Maybe $200-300 for a rental car. And since the goal will be to be out and about rather than sitting in your hotel you'll have a lot more fun doing it. (Funny how the MOST expensive way to do Hawaii is often to do nothing.)

Oh, and you don't need to pack much for Hawaii; you don't wear a whole lot there in the first place, and no one is keeping track of how often you change clothes

You have other people to please re the wedding, so if I had to make a choice I'd pick that over the honeymoon. Not sure why you think you "deserve" a trip you can't pay for, but maybe MIL will fell guilty and front you the cash for it if she understands your situation. It happens.

[Snork Maiden]

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

I don't even know where you'd find a $500 a night place. You can go to a board like betterbidding.com and see what people have pulled on hotwire and priceline for Maui. If you enter in Kaanapali, I see people are getting Hyatt and Marriott for anywhere between 180-280/night. Both of those are BEAUTIFUL.. Royal Lahaina is our favorite - it's considered 3.5 stars, but they just did a 20 million remodel, built a new tower, etc. It's nicer than both my local SoCal Hyatt's, so I'm not sure about the star rating - people get it for around $160 a night. There are also nice places in Napili Bay, and in Kapalua, and tons more on the Kaanapali strip. Even reserved on the spot, at the front desk
few hotels are $500 a night.

Rom and I stayed in an older place, that's nothing like Hyatt - but RIGHT on the water, with the balcony over the sand - for $129 a night. I reserve a basic room months on advance and upgrade when I get there, for super cheap or free to ocean front.

The timing of your honeymoon also matters. Hawaii has beautiful weather all year round, but certain seasons will have high rates either because of vacations, or business conferences. Regardless of when you go though, I can't imagine paying $500 a night.

My other thoughts on your post are - Your spending can be adjusted also. You have no money - don't buy people gifts. They are expensive to bring back if you need extra bags, they might break/tear/melt, and they might not like it. Your friends and relatives don't need a pineapple/I've been to Maui Tshirt/chocolate/whatever. Unless you find something you KNOW a friend/relative of yours will love - Resolve to buy people extra nice presents for their next birthday or something. It's your honeymoon, just enjoy it.

- what your mother feels your wedding should be like is completely irrelevant, unless she's paying for it. I'm sure you don't want to hurt her feelings, but tell her you can't afford it. It's YOUR wedding, and to take on debt because someone else thinks you should is dumb.

1. I'm with giraffy.
2. Where the EFF are you looking at staying on Maui that's $500/night?!

Every "hotel/resort" (that I have found) that is located in either Lahaina or Wailea that does not have a view of dumpsters or a parking lot is at least $500 per night (including tax). I've been researching nearly 4 months now. $500 per night is actually cheap. If you do some research most "ocean front or oceanview/partial ocean view" rooms are in excess of $800 per night. That's just the way it is in Hawaii. Some people use Marriott rewards points to stay at the Marriott in Maui @ $350 a night but after tax and amenity fees they are right around $450 a night. If you know of anything cheaper PLEASE let me know.

You should ask Snork and Rom. They just got back from Maui and I'm pretty certain they did NOT pay $500 a night.

Yeah, but comparing to us is not fair. We spend so little, it borders on spousal abuse.

[ICANHASMUNY?]

Hey guys. My fiance and I are getting married in October. We are financing the entire wedding ourselves as there is no one to help us pay for it. For the most part, most of the wedding has gone on low rate credit cards. At this point I have allocated just about all of the funds needed to pay the remaining balances needed for the wedding except for the honeymoon. My fiance and I really want to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon. We both work hard and we deserve it but, do not have the liquid funds to secure it. The honeymoon expense (roughly 8k) would have to be put on a card as well and I really hate doing that. The last thing either of us wants to do is come into a marriage with tremendous debt. Just not logical. What would you guys do in our situation with no financial help? Would you just go for it or wait a year or two until we are better prepared financially to pay for it? I have flirted with the idea of more inexpensive ideas like Vegas for the honeymoon or possibly a cruise but I can tell she is not that into it. Any advice?

Just to breakdown why Hawaii is 8k:
Hotel: 5k with taxes and fees (Hawaii is not cheap!)
Airfare: 1.9k from NY round trip
Spending money for food, entertainment, exploring, gifts, etc: 2k

how long of a honeymoon are you looking at? 5k is a lot (of course...if you're talking 2 weeks...it's not as much) You don't mention the dates...but I see airfares for ~1600 from JFK to HNL

We would be going to the island of Maui from 10/30/12-11/6/12. The airfare I quoted was through Hawaiian Airlines. The Net amount with tax is $1847. Hawaiian is the only airline that offers direct flights out of NY that I found with bags included. The main expense are the rooms. They are VERY pricey (understandable) at an average of $500 per night plus 13.75% tax per night. Then I figured in at least $200 per day for 3 meals, travel, expenses, etc.

you don't have to stay in a hotel to enjoy hawaii.

if you wanted to stay in a hotel, you could do manhattan.

try home away - or a vacation rental house. 80- 200 / per night. & get a dollar rent a car. buy groceries at the local market.


http://www.homeaway....tals/hawaii/r35


if you think you honeymoon has to be about the $$ and luxury, well, it's your buck.

a yurt is only $50 dollars a night.

[Nemeweh]

I understand your desire to give your fiance a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. But, like everyone else has said, I would not finance it via my credit cards. Looks like you've been given some excellent advice to look into for getting the honeymoon of your dreams for cheaper.


Also, Im all about being nice to the In Laws, even when they are Outlaws (as your soon to be MIL seems to be). But telling YOU how you should spend YOUR money? I raise my eyebrow to her and call Shenanigans. Your fiance needs to handle that madness, since it's her mother. Big girl panties and all that.

[jolla]

Short answer: if you have to put it on credit cards, you can't afford it.

If you can't afford it, and it's not essential (shelter, food, etc.), don't buy it.

http://consumerist.c...ant-afford.html

[Tigz]

She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Um....what is "do it right"? Are people who go to the mountains (or seashore) and stay in road side inns doing it wrong?

Most people end up groping and coupling for a week and really don't get out of the bedroom much. So much for that expensive scenery. There are beautiful places here in the US that would cost a fraction of the cost.

It is your money, spend it as you see fit. Just remember, unless you both have a really good salary, you will be paying this thing off for years..... Other opportunities might come up (houses, cars, etc) that you will have to forgo until it is paid off....or the pitter patter of little feet to add to those credit card costs.

[longislandguy]

She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Um....what is "do it right"? Are people who go to the mountains (or seashore) and stay in road side inns doing it wrong?

Most people end up groping and coupling for a week and really don't get out of the bedroom much. So much for that expensive scenery. There are beautiful places here in the US that would cost a fraction of the cost.

It is your money, spend it as you see fit. Just remember, unless you both have a really good salary, you will be paying this thing off for years..... Other opportunities might come up (houses, cars, etc) that you will have to forgo until it is paid off....or the pitter patter of little feet to add to those credit card costs.

"Do it right" just means, go to the one place that we have always dreamed of going which is Hawaii. After a lot of thought we are going to put off Hawaii for when we can truly afford it. I appreciate everyone's insight.

[deluxmary2000]

Dude - congrats on your upcoming wedding, but you came to a credit website asking people whether they think you should put an $8,000 vacation on your credit card. What did you think we were going to tell you?

(I think you already knew the answer. )

[eonaxes]

8K honeymoon is INSANE if you dont have the means to pay for it
why not a cheaper honeymoon?

[rohan]

She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Um....what is "do it right"? Are people who go to the mountains (or seashore) and stay in road side inns doing it wrong?

Most people end up groping and coupling for a week and really don't get out of the bedroom much. So much for that expensive scenery. There are beautiful places here in the US that would cost a fraction of the cost.

It is your money, spend it as you see fit. Just remember, unless you both have a really good salary, you will be paying this thing off for years..... Other opportunities might come up (houses, cars, etc) that you will have to forgo until it is paid off....or the pitter patter of little feet to add to those credit card costs.

"Do it right" just means, go to the one place that we have always dreamed of going which is Hawaii. After a lot of thought we are going to put off Hawaii for when we can truly afford it. I appreciate everyone's insight.

You guys just ruined the fun out of everyone including the couple. I say go for it as long as you have a payback plan. Otherwise I do not think its worth the hassle if you are going to go broke after this. I am sure the wedding itself is already heavy enough on your CCs. But either way... Congrats!

[Snork Maiden]

She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Um....what is "do it right"? Are people who go to the mountains (or seashore) and stay in road side inns doing it wrong?

Most people end up groping and coupling for a week and really don't get out of the bedroom much. So much for that expensive scenery. There are beautiful places here in the US that would cost a fraction of the cost.

What are you talking about, you crazy cat. How do you know what honeymooners in Hawaii end up doing with their time??!!

She would rather wait to go on a honeymoon and (do it right) than just go anywhere just to get away. However; that "you only live once" mentality takes over me and my judgement as I want this to be a great time for us.

Um....what is "do it right"? Are people who go to the mountains (or seashore) and stay in road side inns doing it wrong?

Most people end up groping and coupling for a week and really don't get out of the bedroom much. So much for that expensive scenery. There are beautiful places here in the US that would cost a fraction of the cost.

It is your money, spend it as you see fit. Just remember, unless you both have a really good salary, you will be paying this thing off for years..... Other opportunities might come up (houses, cars, etc) that you will have to forgo until it is paid off....or the pitter patter of little feet to add to those credit card costs.

"Do it right" just means, go to the one place that we have always dreamed of going which is Hawaii. After a lot of thought we are going to put off Hawaii for when we can truly afford it. I appreciate everyone's insight.

Listen, while we are on the subject though..
I'm gonna need you to 'like' this page.
Maui artist that's giving away a print to ME

I'm not kidding. Have your fiancee do it too. I only need 5 more people and the giveaway is on. If you win, I might move in with you, but we'll talk details later.

PS Please don't pay $500 a night when you do go. That's crazy capitalist talk.