19 replies to this topic

[cavgirl]

Would you let a relative or friend move in if they lost their job? If so, how long would you let them stay if they are not paying rent?

A few months ago I let a relative move in with their dog because they were losing their job and had health problems. I am a bit older and far from wealthy but through
hard work have a nice house with a mortgage and enough bills to keep me from taking vacations. The relative doesn't pay rent but does pay one small bill every month,
a little over $100. which is about 1/15th of cost of the house. I get up very early...ridiculously early, to go to a job that really sucks but pays my bills. Resentment
just started setting in as I think the relative is getting very comfortable. They are getting the max unemployment for our state and do not have a car payment, only car
insurance. That is their only bill. All of the unemployment, short of $100 or so is theirs to spend. How long is appropriate to help them out? I was trying to do the
right thing but wonder if I made a mistake?

[ArchonInitiative]

It doesn't sound like they plan to work until the benefits run out.

I would go into more details, but don't know more about the person.

Oh, but to answer your question:

Under the circumstances you just presented, I would let them take some time to get on their feet, so it would be at least six months. Think: it will be hard for many potential landlords to rent to someone on unemployment benefits. Almost impossible. So, they need to get some type of job before they have a realistic chance of getting a new place. And one that will take Toto, too.

[cavgirl]

It doesn't sound like they plan to work until the benefits run out.

I would go into more details, but don't know more about the person.

Oh, but to answer your question:

Under the circumstances you just presented, I would let them take some time to get on their feet, so it would be at least six months. Think: it will be hard for many potential landlords to rent to someone on unemployment benefits. Almost impossible. So, they need to get some type of job before they have a realistic chance of getting a new place. And one that will take Toto, too.

Unfortunately, they are not going to try to get another job. I was figuring the same time frame you mentioned - about six months to get back on their feet. He is filing for ss disability.

Edited by cavgirl, 06 December 2010 - 04:54 AM.

[jazzpetals]

Oh my that could take years. You are being too nice. He is living in your home for practically free. You need to tell him you are having a hard time making ends meet esp. since your bills have increased since they have been living there. I am sure your water bill is higher, in addition to your utlity blls, not to mention your grocery bill. I would insist on at least half of his unemployment check. Do you think this relative will offer you a portion of their disability check when it finally comes through? Are you aware that the first check they receive is usually retroactive to when they applied? It could add up to quite a windfall for your relative depending on how long ago they filed and how long it takes for it to be approved. I don't mean to sound heartless, but I think you are being taken advantage of.

[Not Given]

Definitely insist on rent. Also, some household chores.

[Daddy]

He will be there forever!!!

[radi8]

Definitely insist on rent. Also, some household chores.

+1

"It occurred to me that you might be feeling like a lazy cheapskate, sitting around doing nothing while living off my dime. I'm going to help you eliminate those feelings......"

[bullthistle]

Had that probelm with a lazy ex BIL. Tell you what. Tell them that they have to pay their freight or they are gone. And if they think you are kidding change the locks. I had two kids and this blood sucker was eating our food and drinking beer all day. Relative or not show them the highway if they don't give up at least half of their check and cash it for them so you know how much it is.

[Cactus Flower]

It may not be as easy as some people think to get the unemployed friend/relative out.

Sorry to sound so cold, but I wouldn't let someone IN to begin with without a full understanding (written/signed contract) of what the expectations are.

I would want some sort of proof that they were working towards independence.... whatever that took.

[Kevin20]

It may not be as easy as some people think to get the unemployed friend/relative out.

Sorry to sound so cold, but I wouldn't let someone IN to begin with without a full understanding (written/signed contract) of what the expectations are.

I would want some sort of proof that they were working towards independence.... whatever that took.

Interesting problem. Sounds like you need to provide some definite motivation to get them outta there. I would absolutely make them pay at least some nominal amount of rent, even if it's not much, just some token amount at a minimum. 2nd, I would insist on increasing that amount by an additional, say, $100, each passing month. That gives them clear and explicit warning that they are not being turned out, but within a few months the escalating rent will be unaffordable for them ... and give them time to ramp up the job hunt.

Finally, offer to buy them a bus ticket to a place with a better job market!

Edited by Kevin20, 12 December 2010 - 11:34 AM.

[butterflywings]

I would only allow someone to move if they were close (relationship wise) to either my dh or I. I wouldn't be able to tolerate it otherwise. I would expect them to spend 8 hours a day looking for a job, and I wouldn't charge rent but I'd expect money out of their Unemployment benefits for their food consumption. There would also be a preset time limit of a month or two. After that they'd have to move on to another family member or friend. It would just be too much a disruption for our family with my homeschooling responsbilities and our autistic son.

[JOLTY]

If someone stays with u for an extended period of longer than 5 days then they must make a contribution to the household either financially, chores or helping out in ways that benefit the household and lessen the perceived burden

[groze]

Myself, I would never would do what some of the other posters said with or without health problems. I would ask this person how much he can help out.

SS disability could take 3 years or more & this person would need a lawyer to win. Don't throw him out. However, talk to him about applying for hud housing. As far as paying the rent. You need to talk to hud & see if letting him live there for free would be better or pay $1 a month for rent because hud is picky. It could take awhile to get housing. He can apply for housing anywhere in the state. Unemployment can be extended if this person is applying for Social Security disability. Just make sure he tells the unemployment office that he is applying for SSD.

Edited by groze, 05 January 2011 - 09:43 PM.

[tiggerlgh]

Completely different situation but when my parents home burned down a few years ago they stayed with my aunt and uncle until they could find an apartment a week or so later. My aunt never expected anything and was a great help, but I know my parents gave them some money for food etc. while they stayed there.

I agree anything more than a visit (such as out of state family) for an extended period should have an agreement for either time of stay, expectations (looking for job, etc) or amount of rent to be paid.

[TheBanker]

I wouldn't let them stay with me. But I'm a heartless prick.

[blackberry74]

The only unemployed person that I would allow to live with me is my daughter...and even that wouldn't be indefinite. Supporting an unemployed adult isn't something I can afford to do.

[groze]

And people wonder why we have homelessness. In fact, some families disowned each other because they wouldn't help their family member and some are closely related and they never speak to each other ever again. Norway there is no homelessness. Sorry for the rant, but I am a caring person.

[higher180]

And people wonder why we have homelessness. In fact, some families disowned each other because they wouldn't help their family member and some are closely related and they never speak to each other ever again. Norway there is no homelessness. Sorry for the rant, but I am a caring person.

+1 I'm caring person as well. I'm all about helping family, but you have to teach them to fend for themselves as well. You are only doing a disservice to them by enabling them to live without any cost. Plus, you also have to look out for your own family. I don't agree with kicking them out, but you do need to start a fire underneath their butts to get a job and become self-sustaining

[groze]

+1 I'm caring person as well. I'm all about helping family, but you have to teach them to fend for themselves as well. You are only doing a disservice to them by enabling them to live without any cost. Plus, you also have to look out for your own family. I don't agree with kicking them out, but you do need to start a fire underneath their butts to get a job and become self-sustaining

I think the U.S. is moving back to the "Waltons". In the Waltons they all helped out, even they ones who couldn't pay. I never said without any cost unless they are flat broke. If they couldn't pay rent, I would ask them to help around the house or do errands if they are physical able to do so. I would even help a friend & maybe even a stranger. I would encourage them to apply for hud housing and if disabled apply for SSD. SSD & SSI needs a lawyer to win.

[Kayjc]

This thread reminds me of some responses to an online article about relatives moving in together due to money problems. Mostly it was about differnt generations winding up in the same household after young adults moved back in with parents and/or older adults moved in with their grown children. One person commented that maybe this was a good thing, as it would bring families closer together. Someone else replied, "I love all my relatives, but if we had to live together we could be our own episode of 'Cops.'"